I have always loved little boxes, they’re all around our house and I have a collection near my desk.
I’ve decided to make one a Dream Box in an attempt to stay hopeful.
I’d like to say I’m not afraid to talk about this, but the truth is I am. I’m afraid that you will judge me because while I’m “supposed” to be tough, to be a “real man” and have that “executive presence,” in fact I’m uncertain and lonely. I often doubt myself and question the value of my work. I suspect this is true for a lot of people — I suspect it’s especially true for people who are attempting to lead and venture into new lands.
When work is relatively easy, the voice of doubt is quiet — or at least shouted down by all the excitement. But in times like these when economic pressures mount and work and life become more challenging, the doubts get louder and more pervasive. Apparently it’s not just an economic depression. I go from doubting my direction, into doubting my vision, and then the doubt spreads to my very identity and I feel depressed.
Sadly, I know just what to say to myself to cut myself down, and on “bad days” I overwhelm myself – I tell myself I’m not making a difference, that I’m wasting the best years of my life, that I’m sacrificing for nothing. I tell myself it would be so much easier to just work for someone else and let them worry, to go to some well worn conventional path rather than tilting at endless windmills – and that while it’s sad that I’d make more money doing meaningless work, the evidence is that’s more valuable. In our society the messages are pervasive money equates to value and success… and with so much economic uncertainty and fear abounding, that message becomes more potent.
Another part of me tries to stand up and challenge the doubter, but it’s all too easy to find evidence that the doubts are right. Especially when the phone isn’t ringing.
Yet somehow that other optimistic voice just won’t give up — and there are a lot of “good days” — and that’s why I want the dream box.
A few months ago someone emailed thanking me for an article and said, “never doubt that you are making a difference.” As I’ve thought about this post, those words keep running through my head. I don’t want to doubt — yet I do. So I’m going to go find that email and put those words in the dream box. Just yesterday someone name Kaye emailed about the EQ Certification training and wrote, “it is still the single most powerful professional development that I have done” — Kaye’s words are going in the Dream Box. Often after workshops people give me notes — they’re going in too.
Because even in the worst of these moments when almost all of me wants to give up, I try to imagine what I’d do instead, and I keep coming back to the foundation of our vision at Six Seconds. Yes, maybe it’s irrational and maybe even hopeless, but somehow we – humans – have to find a way out off the self-destructive treadmill we’ve created. We need to find value in ourselves and each other more than in money and things. We need new visions and new skills to learn to love more deeply, to genuinely care for ourselves, each others, and our world — and no, my contribution won’t make this change, but what if I could make just a small inroad? And if not me, then who? And then I see messages like Kaye’s and I think maybe we are — not fixing it, but leaning the right direction. Though the road is long and the path is steep, just a few steps might make a vast difference in a few people’s lives.
So I’ll take the reminders and put them in my dream box. Then when the doubts start shouting, that other voice will have some backup.
In the car yesterday when Patty, my wife, accidentally pressed the little red button on her keys. Lots of loud noise ensued, with Patty jumping out of her skin and jabbing at every button she could find to turn off the caterwauling.
released through the pituitary gland, they then flow through the blood and then into EVERY cell in the body. The picture (to the right) illustrates an important point — when we’re talking about chemicals that are released from the brain in the blood, notice how important the heart is! The Amygdala responds to certain “distress” or “danger” feeling chemicals and amplifies the flight/fright/freeze reaction – it is the regulator of our defensive patterns — again leading to a cascade of chemicals (one leading to another leading to another) that floods through brain & into body… and back and forth.
I just arrived in Curacao – my first time here – lovely! Tomorrow I start our “Breakthrough Leadership” program with a group of senior managers from a variety of companies (assisting them to apply emotional intelligence to their own leadership).