Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This…

Yesterday morning that song kept running through my head. Family and I were walking on the beach, a glorious, amazing January-I-am-so-lucky- to-live-in-California kind of day, watching my kids collecting sea glass… and thinking about my dad in the hospital.

We don’t quite know what’s wrong, it seems most likely to be lung cancer, we will know in a couple of days. He just had an incredibly amazing surgery to remove a tumor and 1 vertebrae, and today he’s been able to sit in a chair and will be out of ICU. istock_lighthouse.jpg

It’s hard to hold onto how miraculous that is — while also thinking about the fact that he’ll start the “real” battle with this cancer in another week.  These emotional paradoxes amaze me.  How at once I can feel this incredible sense of blessing and concurrently feel a looming abyss of loss.

I don’t want to “go there” until we get the oncology report, and I keep slipping into the shadows of grief – into thinking how much we’ll miss him, how much I’ll miss him, about how there are so many things we’d saved for someday.

3 Replies to “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This…”

  1. So sorry Josh for what you are all going through. I read the quote below recently and your post reminded me of how important it is to remember that so many are having personal difficulties all the time, while they try to carry on as normally as possible.

    Action 077 “Show Empathy” from Change the World 9 – 5 reads:

    “If you’ve ever had to go through a divorce while sitting in a meeting to discuss next year’s sales figures, you’ll find a new meaning to the words ‘hell on earth’.

    And every day, with measureless heroism, people are dealing with all kinds of terrible things.

    So, even though each workplace [or school] has more soap stories that a Christmas double edition of ‘TV Times’, we’re not asking you to stick your nose where it’s not wanted.

    Just treat people with respect. Be aware that we are all sentient, suffering human beings”

  2. Josh,
    I can relate to your situation. My father passed away peacefuly in his sleep from brain cancer Nov. 27, 2007 at age 86. During his illness, I just requested prayers for peace for him and our family. I must say that I did have (and still do have) amazing peace, and dad was so peaceful that he never even needed pain medicine.
    During my life, the thought of my father dying was always my greatest fear. I really believe that my years of studying EQ and learning more about the choices we can make related to “self-talk” have helped me to switch my thoughts when they start down a negative road–along with remembering my favorite scripture passage–Philippians 4:6-13.
    I kept ajournal during my many hours by my fathers hospital bedside and hope to someday use that material to encourage others!

  3. Thank you Tessy & Becky – I think what I’m holding onto here is how wonderful my family is and all the gifts of love and adventure we’ve had from our dad.

    Tessy, your quote reminds me of a comment from Lea Brovedani, one of our network members: Everyone has a story that would break your heart if you could hear it.

    Life happens to all of us and sometimes it is damn hard. But that does not make it bad, and even in this experience I’m finding so much to be grateful about.

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