Author: Joshua Freedman

I was consulting with a client recently about his work and the changes he’d like to implement in his healthcare services business.  He’s facing two changes:

• shifting from being a professional to being a manager & leader — instead of doing his hands-on care and sometimes checking in with others, the change would move him to mostly be managing and leading
• shifting from a “small business” to a “scalable business” model — instead of each site being completely unique, the change will require a consistent brand

Big stuff!!  Tough. Doable – but only if one is really serious about that shift.  So I wanted to know if this change was a match with his own vision of himself, and asked:

What do you want your job to be?

I suspect that many, many people find themselves in leadership positions without having really CHOSEN that.  This seems especially true in professional services – the doctor who finds herself leading an office; the investor who finds himself managing a team; the educator who finds himself leading an organization…

So before you get “further” in your career, it’s worth considering — what do you want your job to be?  What do you want to do more and less of?  If you “take that next step” in your work, will you still be doing the parts of the work that you love?

I travel a lot, and many countries have a space on their customs form for job.  I’m never quite sure what to put there.  It’s a little space, and I want to write something that’s not too confusing… EQ advocate?  Leader?  Teacher?  Author?  Consultant?  Trainer?  Executive?

Apparently I have some conflict and confusion about the changes in my own role!

While I WANTED our organization to grow, and pushed that, while I WANTED to do more leading and less doing, while I WANTED to build a team — I still sometimes regret how complex my job has become, and feel inadequate because I don’t really know how to do it.

Like so many of our clients, I’ve “evolved” into this role rather than being chosen for it, and a large part of what I love(d) about my own work is the “professional” hands on work, rather than the managing.

This reminds me about the work of Joy Palmer, one of our Network Members who primarily works with finance executives on this change.  She’s written about the process in The Rise of the Player Manager.

For myself, I’m someone who thrives on challenge and learning-by-doing… so it’s a great place to be… and I recognize that I only do my best when I pay close attention — I’ve chosen to be a leader.  Maybe that’s going on the next customs form!

Found this fascinating – they don’t talk about emotional intelligence per-se, but a lot about emotions and trust — amazing that top economists are admitting that the science of economics is NOT RATIONAL, that there is an “animal spirit” that drives the economy (perhaps we could say take the radical step of using the word “emotion”?) — trust is a feeling!

The Science of Trust: Economics and Virtue [Speaking of Faith® from American Public Media]

In June, the project was going to take 8 weeks.  By August, clearly it would be 12.  Now, we’re hoping we can wrap everything up before we go past 5 months.

“Everyone” knows the remodeling projects go over budget and behind schedule, so I built a healthy 15% margin into our budget – should be plenty!  But I forgot my dangerous tendency toward optimism.

Looking at the results of my SEI assessment (Six Seconds’ emotional intelligence test), there’s a telling passage in the “snapshot” of a leader with optimism scores like mine…

Sometimes pessimistic people complain these leaders are “always wearing rose colored glasses.” In a sense that is true, and it can lead to unrealistically minimizing risks and overstating reward.

I definitely minimized the perceived risks — fortunately the results are not dire, just rather challenging, but in other circumstances  could have been a really serious financial issue.  Not to mention the stress!   Back in May & June making those plans, even though I recognized some risk, I focused much more on the excitement of the project and the potential (the “up side”) and so made decisions with inadequate caution.  I don’t regret the whole project, but there are certainly days where I say, “if I’d known it was going to be this difficult and expensive, I never would have started.”

Perhaps this is one reason those who prefer a pessimistic style don’t really trust those of us who tend toward an optimistic view.  They see that we “bite off more than we can chew” and sometimes break our teeth on the rocks of unexpected challenge.  “I could have told you,” they delight to say, “but you don’t listen.  I’m just trying to be realistic.”

Because we’re not realistic, of course. We live in a fantasy where almost anything is possible, and a great deal is probable.

On the other hand, the curmudgeon who loves pessimism is also living in a fantasy.  One where high walls and a careful defense is required at all times.  Where few things are possible, and little (good) is probable.

In which fantasy would you rather live?

Most of you would say, I suspect, “neither!  I want to live in reality….” but just for a moment, suppose that isn’t an option — that the universe’s optometrist  has run our of clear glasses so you can either wear “rose colored glasses” or “gloom colored glasses.”

I suspect that if I wore the gloom glasses, I would have no cause chorus the “if I’d only known” lament.  On the other hand, I’d never have taken on this challenge.  I suppose that in 15 years we can all look back and evaluate the merits of this decision with some balanced perspective, the data of hindsight, but in the present it’s a mystery.  Except, that while I’m poorer in cash, my life is very rich.  Yes, this continues to be an incredibly challenging process (especially since we’re leaving for 6 weeks in Asia in 10 days!!!), yet I’m feeling vibrantly alive, stretched to grow, awake to learn, engaged with my family in this endeavor, and going to bed exhausted by long days ripe with full effort.

And the house is looking amazing!

Amy McConnell Franklin, Ph.D., Senior Consultant for Six Seconds and Educational Trainer and Consultant, will be in Singapore Nov. 23rd and 24th, facilitating a two day conference on Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Emotional Intelligence (EI). The Six Seconds model of Emotional Intelligence will be the foundation of this interactive workshop for school administrators, teachers and parents committed to bringing EI,  ”the missing piece” of education, to their children and school communities.

Emotional Intelligence is an achievement that is both teachable and learnable. A robust and growing body of research acknowledges the benefits and feasibility of systematically and consistently integrating EI in schools through teacher training and direct student instruction. EI training is the foundational building block of effective and sustainable SEL programs. Educators and school communities around the globe are increasingly realizing the need to model and teach the concepts and skills of emotional intelligence in school communities, as a core curricular component,  in order to create more circumspect decision makers, more compassionate, accountable and resilient members of society and more successful, creative students and problem solvers.

The author of the recently published Choose to Change: A step by step guide for fostering emotional intelligence in the classroom, @ 2009, Dr. Franklin has taught the concepts and skills of EI to teachers and parents in the USA and internationally since 2003.  This new book is a primer to help teachers and school systems begin to create more compassionate, interactive, safe and successful school environments. She returns to Singapore for this second annual  International SEL conference to share experiences and models for effectively bringing EI to schools communities. Join her in order to deepen your understanding of EI and explore ways and means of bringing these critical skills and concepts to your children, to your school communities and to the next generation.

For more information and registration pls see:
www.selconference.com
or contact:
Grace Garcia
Tel :6487 2901/ FAX 6341 5586
email: admin@elisher.com
Soci

From NurtureShock to Bright-sided, there are several new “anti-feel-good” books coming out, and they seem to be striking a chord with the current state of the world — and they are SO right.  I mean enough of this talking about feelings. As Marge Simpson said (more or less), “take those negative feelings and push them down inside yourself until you’re standing on them!”  What we need is more cold-hearted, analytic critics in the world, and clearly there’s good money to be made selling books that say so.  Look, suppression has worked for generations — one only has to look objectively at the data.  For example, our parents’ generation was raised to suppress feelings and avoid confrontation, and see how fabulously well they’ve done with the big challenges of life, such as holding onto ideals, building enduring marriages, leading businesses ethically, and reversing environmental depredations?

Oh, wait…

Look, as a society we’ve already tried the path of the supremacy of mean logic, and it hasn’t worked well.

In all seriousness, there is a piece of this “anti nurture” stance that I appreciate.  JUST being positive doesn’t accomplish much. Overpraise – that sloppy, saccharin way some people interact (especially with kids) – has terrible detriment (though underpraise is probably worse).

My daughter, Emma, recently entered a garden in the County Fair.  We were asking her how it went on the setup day, and what the adults there said to her.  “They said I did a good job, but I didn’t know if that meant I really did a good job or not.”

“Why honey, what do you mean?”

“Well, you know, adults always say how great kids’ work is to make them feel good, so you don’t know if your work is really good or not.  Except Suzanne [Emma’s fabulous and tough dance teacher], she hardly ever says something is good so when she does you know it’s really good.”

I also agree that JUST talking about feelings is pretty much useless.  Again, treating feelings as an anathema is probably worse.  But emotional intelligence requires more than “just talking,” it requires accuracy and insight.  Emotional wisdom is an even higher standard – it takes going from awareness to action – which requires a robust mix of skills.

One of the key principles we teach people learning to use our emotional intelligence assessment is that BALANCE is at least as importance as overall competence.  Someone who’s highly skilled in one competency can overuse that to their and others’ detriment – as I wrote a few days ago, even an incredible valuable asset like optimism can go awry when it’s used without the balancing effect of other strengths.

And, in the end, would you rather live in a world with well meaning happy people who are over-caring and over-praising, or in a world with steely-eyed grouchy “realists” who can’t be bothered to care and find praise a waste of oxygen?  Maybe somewhere in between?

Amy McConnell Franklin, Ph.D., Senior Consultant for Six Seconds and Educational Trainer and Consultant, will be in Singapore Nov. 23rd and 24th, facilitating a two day conference on Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Emotional Intelligence (EI). The Six Seconds model of Emotional Intelligence will be the foundation of this interactive workshop for school administrators, teachers and parents committed to bringing EI,  ”the missing piece” of education, to their children and school communities.

Emotional Intelligence is an achievement that is both teachable and learnable. A robust and growing body of research acknowledges the benefits and feasibility of systematically and consistently integrating EI in schools through teacher training and direct student instruction. EI training is the foundational building block of effective and sustainable SEL programs. Educators and school communities around the globe are increasingly realizing the need to model and teach the concepts and skills of emotional intelligence in school communities, as a core curricular component,  in order to create more circumspect decision makers, more compassionate, accountable and resilient members of society and more successful, creative students and problem solvers.

The author of the recently published Choose to Change: A step by step guide for fostering emotional intelligence in the classroom, @ 2009, Dr. Franklin has taught the concepts and skills of EI to teachers and parents in the USA and internationally since 2003.  This new book is a primer to help teachers and school systems begin to create more compassionate, interactive, safe and successful school environments. She returns to Singapore for this second annual  International SEL conference to share experiences and models for effectively bringing EI to schools communities. Join her in order to deepen your understanding of EI and explore ways and means of bringing these critical skills and concepts to your children, to your school communities and to the next generation.

For more information and registration pls see:
www.selconference.com
or contact:
Grace Garcia
Tel :6487 2901/ FAX 6341 5586
email: admin@elisher.com
Soci

In June, the project was going to take 8 weeks.  By August, clearly it would be 12.  Now, we’re hoping we can wrap everything up before we go past 5 months.

“Everyone” knows the remodeling projects go over budget and behind schedule, so I built a healthy 15% margin into our budget – should be plenty!  But I forgot my dangerous tendency toward optimism.

Looking at the results of my SEI assessment (Six Seconds’ emotional intelligence test), there’s a telling passage in the “snapshot” of a leader with optimism scores like mine…

Sometimes pessimistic people complain these leaders are “always wearing rose colored glasses.” In a sense that is true, and it can lead to unrealistically minimizing risks and overstating reward.

I definitely minimized the perceived risks — fortunately the results are not dire, just rather challenging, but in other circumstances  could have been a really serious financial issue.  Not to mention the stress!   Back in May & June making those plans, even though I recognized some risk, I focused much more on the excitement of the project and the potential (the “up side”) and so made decisions with inadequate caution.  I don’t regret the whole project, but there are certainly days where I say, “if I’d known it was going to be this difficult and expensive, I never would have started.”

Perhaps this is one reason those who prefer a pessimistic style don’t really trust those of us who tend toward an optimistic view.  They see that we “bite off more than we can chew” and sometimes break our teeth on the rocks of unexpected challenge.  “I could have told you,” they delight to say, “but you don’t listen.  I’m just trying to be realistic.”

Because we’re not realistic, of course. We live in a fantasy where almost anything is possible, and a great deal is probable.

On the other hand, the curmudgeon who loves pessimism is also living in a fantasy.  One where high walls and a careful defense is required at all times.  Where few things are possible, and little (good) is probable.

In which fantasy would you rather live?

Most of you would say, I suspect, “neither!  I want to live in reality….” but just for a moment, suppose that isn’t an option — that the universe’s optometrist  has run our of clear glasses so you can either wear “rose colored glasses” or “gloom colored glasses.”

I suspect that if I wore the gloom glasses, I would have no cause chorus the “if I’d only known” lament.  On the other hand, I’d never have taken on this challenge.  I suppose that in 15 years we can all look back and evaluate the merits of this decision with some balanced perspective, the data of hindsight, but in the present it’s a mystery.  Except, that while I’m poorer in cash, my life is very rich.  Yes, this continues to be an incredibly challenging process (especially since we’re leaving for 6 weeks in Asia in 10 days!!!), yet I’m feeling vibrantly alive, stretched to grow, awake to learn, engaged with my family in this endeavor, and going to bed exhausted by long days ripe with full effort.

And the house is looking amazing!

Six Seconds Network member Shahnaz Bahman shared this article she wrote for Woman magazine.  Are You an Emotionally Intelligent Parent? (PDF)

Found this fascinating – they don’t talk about emotional intelligence per-se, but a lot about emotions and trust — amazing that top economists are admitting that the science of economics is NOT RATIONAL, that there is an “animal spirit” that drives the economy (perhaps we could say take the radical step of using the word “emotion”?) — trust is a feeling!

The Science of Trust: Economics and Virtue [Speaking of Faith® from American Public Media]

Great post about the emotional component of sales –

Imagine if it were true, for example, that almost nobody buys a product or service anymore simply because they need it, or because its price is the right price? That, even in an economic downturn, they have to want it as much as need it before they buy? It’s a difficult concept to grasp because, at the end of the day, it’s not about rational thought.

Talks about How Customers Think (Gerald Zaltman, Harvard) says only 5% of consumer purchasing behavior is based on rational thought processes.  So for great sales, marketing, and customer service, more emotional intelligence needed!

Especially in these tough times, people want simplicity and authenticity.

The Myth of the Rational Buyer: How Too Much Thinking Can Hurt Your Brand | Design Finds You | Fast Company.