Over the years, many people have asked for more ways to learn about our approach without having to travel — while our in-person training is transformational, it’s not accessible to everyone.  Companies have asked us to share Six Seconds’ content through their elearning, but we’ve not done much in this space because most elearning is so one-dimensional, linear… in a word, boring.  But there SHOULD be a way to share insights online and connect people globally with EQ… we do it with articles, could we make an even more intimate and “real” way of sharing?

I think we’ve found a way, and I hope you’ll test it out and let us know how to make it even better – you can get see some of the videos on the site, and get a free trial for more!

“FreedmanTV” is an interactive online channel about using emotional intelligence to get better results in business and life. It’s made of many short videos answering questions.  I suspect it will work because it has 3 key ingredients…

Bite sized:  The clips are 2-4 minutes, each on a specific question.

You drive:  The system automatically suggests new videos based on what you type and what you ask — so you “create your own adventure,” making a dynamic learning experience.

We connect:  The producers have made near-broadcast quality video — so while we might not be able to be in the room together, at least there is an immediacy and subtlety to the medium.   Plus, you can type questions and interact right there in the online community and I can respond in text or in a new video.

I’m uncomfortable being “self promotional” and so I’ll stop there — but I do hope you’ll check it out and let us know!

Here is a video answering the question, “What is Leadership?”  My answer is based on our Vital Signs Model:

Intriguing article in the Wall Street Journal: Educating the Next Steve Jobs — points out that a narrowly defined pathway to “success” where failure is anathema is the recipe for conformity, not innovation.

In most high-school and college classes, failure is penalized. But without trial and error, there is no innovation. Amanda Alonzo, a 32-year-old teacher at Lynbrook High School in San Jose, Calif., who has mentored two Intel Science Prize finalists and 10 semifinalists in the last two years—more than any other public school science teacher in the U.S.—told me, “One of the most important things I have to teach my students is that when you fail, you are learning.” Students gain lasting self-confidence not by being protected from failure but by learning that they can survive it.

In a related recent post, Massimiliano Ghini (our Director of Global Strategy), wrote about the challenge of a climate for innovation in business:  ”We all know that the key to increase our competitiveness is innovation, but in the current reality of increased pressure and failure, change fails and innovation falls behind.  How can we unblock the creative thinking in this scenario?”  Max is identifying a very similar challenge as the conformist school dichotomy:

When we create a “pressure cooker” climate, we don’t get innovation… yet at the same time we have an urgent pressure to generate results.

How do we balance these two?  We get so caught in “rules” and “SOPs” and a kind of contratual approach that the sense of wonder and spontaneity shrivels.  One way to sustain innovation to shift our understanding of “work” and stop treating it as a negative, unpleasant experience.  What if a kids at school, or teammembers at work, can’t actually tell the difference between “work” and “play”?

One of my favorite aspects of Six Seconds’ Synapse School is the sense of wonder and creativity you experience just walking in the door.  Recently I heard a child visitor tell her parents how she wished she could go school in a place that was so full of energy.  While there are classes, and while there’s “work” happening, the whole place is bursting with the energy of play.  While there is a robust structure and a clear focus, there is also a kind of “joyful anarchy” that is palpable.

At Synapse, there’s a room near the entrance which is full of “Kapla” blocks: simple, flexible, flat, wooden rectangles pictured above.  There’s a kind of constant evolution in the room, and I’m amazed every time I see what the kids are creating.  This is the spirit I’d love to see in every place of work and learning.  A place of contribution and shared creation bound by care, not by compliance.  I asked one boy, around 9 years old, “What happens when you run out of blocks, do you have rules about which buildings you take apart?”  He looked surprised, and answered:  ”No, we just respect on another’s work.”

As social creatures — pack animals — we’re highly attuned to power and the dynamics of power in groups. Emotions of trust/distrust, acceptance/rejection, belonging/isolation are all connected to power. Power-related feelings signal us about basic survival needs — who is a threat, who is an ally, who we can count on, and who is in the way.  The use of power is central to our interactions as leaders, coaches, parents, and change agents.  To be more effective, emotional intelligence will help us understand and tune up our own use of power and the ways people react to that.

In “Western” societies we tend to think of power and force as synonyms, but actually we all have and exercise many forms of power. We can have huge strength even if we don’t have the power of force or money.

… Vaclav Havel wrote about “the power of the powerless,” which has overturned many governments since then. Recently visible in Tahrir Square, there is a deep well of power in the acknowledgement and acceptance of powerlessness — of being willing to let go of conventional “status” to belong to a group. A power of sacrifice.

… A client recently told me about a price negotiation, and the way his “opposite number” in the deal keeps using the tactic of delay and feigned confusion. A power of sluggishness.

… I heard a radio story today about accusations of torture by the Nigerian government to suppress environmental activists. A power of brutality.

… Our daughter doesn’t like it when Patty pushes her to get her work done, she gets sulky and stomps her feet… it’s exercising a particular form of power historically popular with adolescents: a power of petulance.

There are dozens, maybe hundreds, of different forms of power. All of these “work” in some sense. If they generate certain desired there are “benefits.” At the same time, each produces unwanted side effects, called “costs.” What are some of the forms of power that you have, and that you exercise? What happens when you exercise these different forms of power? What price do you pay for each such use?

The emotional intelligence competency we call “Apply Consequential Thinking” (ACT) is at work as you answer these questions. As you consider the mix of powers available to you, doing the ACT evaluation lets you assess and choose the right tool for the situation. Are you using power efficiently, or do you need a more “green energy strategy” in your use of personal power?

One reason is “Josh’s basic rule of emotional intelligence” – which you’ve probably seen on other articles on 6seconds.org:

When people feel pushed, they resist.

This “push feeling” is not necessarily reasonable or based on fact. It may be completely “their own thing,” and not based on reality. But if the feeling is present, the feeling is more real than the reality. The “resist” can take a number of forms, it’s not necessarily a clear fighting back, for example, “resist” could mean undermining, withdrawing, rallying others, defending, attacking-to-defend, foot-dragging… whatever form it takes, it means the person is not on board and giving you their full energy and commitment.

I’d like to explore three examples:

• I was advising a board president about a decision. She had sufficient votes to completely nullify an issue raised by a group of Directors. She was feeling anxious about the dissent and was tempted to use the vote. I asked her what would happen to the relationships as a result? How would that action affect the sense of trust and belonging she’d worked hard to establish? It could be that the exercise of force would re-affirm the feeling of safety and reliance on the leadership… or, it could be that this force would knock out any emerging sense of rowing together. If the top priority is alignment, then it’s critical to use a form of power that will reinforce that.
• A colleague and I were talking about a decision with one of his team members. I encouraged him to involve others in the dialogue; his first reaction was some irritation that this would undermine his power. I encouraged him to see that he actually has all the positional power — involving others is an opportunity to build relational power. I asked, “If you exercise the positional power without involving others, how will they feel?” If the goal is buy-in, then positional power could easily upset that.
• Several years ago, Patty and I were making a decision to take the kids out of their current school. Again, we had all the positional power — but instead of exercising it, we used the opportunity to involve the kids in a discussion. As a result, we all increased clarity about what was important, and in the end, we had consensus on the decision. For the last several years, each January we’ve a family meeting about the following year, and so far, we’ve maintained consensus. As a result, when the going gets rough, it’s relatively easy for us to re-engage the kids, reminding them that homeschool was as a shared decision. Here the goal is shared commitment — so again a mutual power is invaluable.

It can be difficult to see some of the costs and benefits of various exercises of power — to be really effective in this analysis you also need to be attuned to your own and others’ feelings. It’s also powerful to consider the way you are supporting others’ use of power. Does your use of power reduce others’ by overwhelming or undermining? Or is your power support a healthy sharing which can reinforce and magnify one another’s success?

At work, especially with leaders who have many forms of power from position and role, it’s all too easy to become overly reliant on “raw” power, such as the implied threat, “If you don’t do what I want, it will hurt your career.” Dr. Robert Cooper, one of our wonderful Advisory Board members, sometimes asks leaders: If you didn’t have your job title and big office, would any one still follow you? In other words, if you did not have the power conferred by position, status and financial control, would you still have power?

For myself, when I use positional power or force, it’s usually because I’m impatient or afraid. “Raw” power seems more efficient, and when I’m stressed and overloaded, exerting force gives me a perception, probably an illusion, that I am in control and can make things happen. It’s also a way of claiming status. When I’m feeling anxious and unsure if I really do have power, I’m much more likely to attempt to exert force. In other words, when I am reacting to short term pressures and a feeling of urgency, I’m most likely to pull out the hammer.

I notice this quite literally when I’m trying to fix something around the house. I start very carefully, gently trying to align the parts or remove the little screws. Then I pinch my finger, or I’m running out of time, or I’m doubting myself, and I just whack the thing. Sometimes that works. Sometimes there the costs are high.

The point here is not to advocate for a certain form of power as better or more powerful. Certainly emotional intelligence will help strengthen relational power and increase influence. And sometimes EQ will help us see it’s time for force: there are moments where a strong “no” or an incontrovertible “yes” create more gain than does a nuanced discussion. But most importantly, when we use our emotional intelligence, we can see that every exercise of power has affects beyond what’s immediately visible. As you’re wielding the sword or the pen, take a pause to Apply Consequential Thinking — consider the results you really want, and use the power that will most smoothly and efficiently move the situation forward.

Since 2007 we’ve asked leaders and team members to identify the top issues facing their organizations — and particularly the “people side” of the equation. The survey explores top issues as well as employee attitudes and the role of emotional intelligence in solving those key issues.

We start by asking an open question, “In simple terms, what are the top 2-3 issues in your organization?” — the report is peppered with intriguing answers.  The one to the right is fairly thematic both in the manager’s comment, and the graphic representing a sense of irreconcilable internal conflicts.

The full report is available for free using the download form below.

These finding represent 775 responses from leaders and employees worldwide. They come from all levels (mostly management, 26% senior execs) and all sectors (mostly business & industry) and all global regions (mostly North America).

Three Key Findings:

one : Talent.

Find it.  Keep it.  Feed it.  Lead it.

The top issues globally, across sectors, tie to retaining good people and the leadership capability to align individual and organizational priorities.  Respondents recognize that people are burned out after years of “more with less” — while few organizations are taking serious and systematic efforts to create a place where good people actually want to work.

A visual summary is presented here — more frequently occurring words appear in a larger size:

 

two : Leadership Needed.

Vision is absent. People are not aligned.  Where are we going – and why?

As in our previous surveys, leadership remains a top concern.  On a selection of “people issues,” 58% of respondents identified leadership as the top concern.  What do they want from leaders?  The top “wish” is free, and an absolute basic:  Communicate the vision.

But, in times of stress, most leaders have their heads down to focus on the small stuff.  Few leaders are standing up and standing out.  The results are dangerous.

three : Got EQ?

Organizations making EQ a priority score 32%-39% higher on the questions above.

Only 11% of the organizations in our sample earned a 5/5 on leveraging emotional intelligence.  Those with a 4 or 5 out of five are getting better marks from employees.  In this camp, respondents say EQ is important because it’s part of the culture and competitive advantage.  For example, this President from the sector of Business & Industry, in Mexico, wrote:  “EI is fundamental for improving communication, relationships, collaboration, teamwork and increasing self-esteem and enjoying work.”  The top reasons for creating an EQ culture are:

• Customer and internal relationships (34%)
• Effective work climate (30%)
• Alignment of people, and people with strategy (27%)

On the other hand, those that don’t see EQ being valued, report three primary causes:

• Leadership isn’t aware (38%)
• There is a gap between company culture and principles of EQ (e.g., “our bosses ‘have no feelings’”) (27%)
• There isn’t funding available / the financial value isn’t clear enough (23%)

 

 

To learn more about these findings, fill in the form below and the report will be immediately send to you via email.

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One of the most exciting aspects of working with Six Seconds these last 15 years is the opportunity to encounter people from SO many places.  Perhaps the most diverse group was leaders from the United Nations Mission in Liberia – UNMIL – 16 people from 14 countries, a paint-box of colors, creeds, and histories.  Also people from legal, aircraft, supply, training, corrections, communications… and some fairly young managers as well as some of the most senior… so many barriers, so many differences.

Yet:  After a couple of days together, we were just people learning together.

Over and over and over I’ve experienced that in the realm of emotion, there is a vast and uncomplicated common ground.  As I’ve written before, I feel a profound relief to find this connection.

Looking at my calendar for the next few months, I’m a little alarmed at all the global connections!  But I hope to meet you someplace in the world to re-anchor.  Here’s my schedule — all these are listed on our EQ Certification Calendar along with even more programs by our amazing master trainers!

March 1-2 – Phoenix, AZ – joining the EQ Educator Certification, a very practical program for those teaching the skills of EQ to deepen their understanding of the process and methodology to be even more effective.

At the end of March, I’m off to Singapore for work with a business school there, then onto India.

April 9-13 is the transformational EQ Certification.  Last time in Mumbai it about blew my socks off – this deeply powerful experience of engaging in the Six Seconds’ method and model – designed for professionals in development, this is equally fabulous for leaders and individuals looking for tools for transformation.  Something about India… people who have an ancient, deep spirit now on the burgeoning frontier of commerce.

April 16-19 the Mumbai adventure continues with our program for coaches to learn the SEI assessment toolkit and Six Seconds’ coaching framework.  The SEI Coach is intended for people who have skills and qualifications in coaching to supercharge their work.

After a brief stop back home, in May it’s time for Europe.  We’re holding the EQ Certification in Dublin with the Irish Management Association on May 7-11.  Max Ghini, our Regional Director for Europe – and Director of Global Strategy – will be delivering this with me so it will be a fabulous session for those looking to gain the strategic value of EQ.

May 12 we’re planning a Europe EQ Network conference — more on that soon!

Then in June, I’m back to Asia — for the SEI Coach Certification in Tokyo on June 13-16 — plus several in-house projects.

On June 19-20 we have a launch of Six Seconds Indonesia with the Jakarta EQ Conference.

Then the EQ Certification in Kuala Lumpur on June 26-30.  I’ll be there with our new Malaysia Country Director, FC Law, who is launching this along with our Regional Director for Asia, Granville D’Souza — so it will be a total powerhouse week!

July we’re in California — the EQ Certification is July 9-13 in Menlo Park.  Our 14th year of this course, in July, in this place — always an incredible experience as people come from around the world for the opty to engage with many of our senior team members.

Finally, July 16-19 is the SEI Coach Certification in Menlo Park — again for coaches to take it higher.

I’ll be ready for a little relaxation time after that!  People often ask me how I find the energy for all these programs — but the truth is I gain energy from this work.  Imagine the opportunity to be with people who are truly committed to adding EQ in the world — and their delight in finding methods and models and a “way of being” that makes it really possible.  It’s a remarkable journey we’re on together — both the journey around the globe, but perhaps even more dramatic is the journey of connecting.

What is your goal with learning?  Is it enough for participants to get information, or do you want some change, some transformation, as they actually APPLY the learning?

What makes that work?

One the reasons Six Seconds’ programs are transformational is our commitment to a rigorous approach to learning.  We come from a “constructivist” history, rooted in the humanistic school of education.  In constructivism, the goal is for learners to build (construct) meaning.  Rather than imparting information or telling them what you’ve just taught, a constructivist focuses on facilitating learners to answer their own questions and to integrate new insights.  We are also influenced by “confluent” theory, the notion that richness in learning comes from the flowing together of cognition and emotion.

In recent decades, “brain based learning” captures these schools of thought and advocates for learning that builds “hot cognition.”  Hot cognition means there is a highly activated brain state where thinking is accelerated and deepened because the learner is fully involved.   I’ve posted before about our learning philosophy, the five principles we use to guide the way we teach, coach, facilitate, mentor, and consult so that we fuel hot cognition – this is the “how” of our methodology.

In addition to that underlying “how,” we have a very specific design methodology which structures learning as a change process.  Because learning and change are so closely linked, we use our Change MAP as a structure (a good orientation to this model can be seen in the Case Study about our change program with the US Navy).  As we apply the change process to learning, we get a very powerful structure.

The Change MAP, and our learning design method, is a spiraling cycle.  There are three phases which we present in a circle to emphasize the fact that learning (and change) require numerous iterations.  In the MAP, you can see the critically important “red lines,” the emotional transitions required to accelerate change.  These same transitions are essential for learning, because if we don’t get emotional connection, we don’t get hot cognition.  The three phases are:

• Engage:  Create cognitive and emotional hooks to create interest, activate pre-existing knowledge, and develop a context for new learning.  At the end of this phase, participants should see the value of the subject matter and be ready for more.
• Activate: Build capability and enroll the brain through real-time experiences that blend emotional and cognitive content; bring powerful mental models to life so participants can begin to learn and test out new concepts.  At the end of this phase, participants will have new knowledge plus a “gut level” experience of the concept.
• Reflect:  Integrate new learning by synthesizing and concluding, so this knowledge, attitudes, and skills can be more readily applied.  At the end of this phase, participants should know what they’ve learned and a commitment to put that into action.

 

Iterative Cycles

These phases apply equally to a twenty-minute module, a 90 minute keynote, a five day workshop – or a three month development program (which will include hundreds of iterations of this cycle within one large “meta cycle” spanning the program).  Here’s a concrete example from our Developing Human Performance curriculum about “Leader As Coach.”  In the two-hour module, we go through the cycle at a high level:

• Engage:  Participants identify key attributes of leaders they admire and are introduced to the importance of coaching and the concept of emotional intelligence.  They learn a simple, powerful mental model for structuring these ideas, and then see an emotionally engaging video of how this could appear in action.  At this point, they’ve activated prior knowledge (the key attributes) and begun to see the importance or value of this concept; they’ve received a “cognitive coat rack” in a robust mental model so they can structure the learning; they’ve developed some emotional energy and curiosity about the topic.
• Activate:  Next, participants learn some of the key skills of being a leader-as-coach and are introduced to a “trust formula” which provides a way of strengthening coaching relationships.  They do an active exercise where they move around the room having a structure conversation with other group members so they can actually put this skills into play – “real play,” not role-play.  Then they analyze the experience using the mental model from the Engage phase.  So in this phase they learned some techniques to achieve the goals that were emerging after the Engage phase, and they found how those worked – and analyzed their results using the organizing “coat rack” so the new insight is starting to integrate.
• Reflect: Coming to a close, they practice the skills again doing an exercise where they work together to identify specific opportunities to apply the new methods.  Finally, participants synthesize their own key points and identify at least one specific action step.  In this phase they linked the learning back to the real world, decided what they could use and why, and made a decision of how to go forward.

 

As you can see, this overall two-hour cycle includes many small pieces – and each of these pieces is organized around the E/A/R phases.  In addition, we can zoom out to consider this module in a larger context.  Let’s imagine we’re planning a whole learning program for XYS, inc., to support organizational change.  They want more proactive teams and greater buy-in from people, so they’ve decided to shift from autocratic management. The module above could be one component:

• Engage: We conduct a virtual classroom meeting 12 team leaders in the XYZ ops group and lay out a plan.  The 12 work groups (including the group managers) all take the Team Vital Signs (TVS) assessment.   We look at the data and, together with the site manager and HR Director, agree to focus on trust.
• Activate: In a ½-day session, they review the Team Vital Signs data and focus on the Trust dimension of the assessment.  Then we run the Leader As Coach module described above.
• Reflect:  Following the workshop, each manager has a planning matrix on which they draft three key improvements.  We have a 1-1 coaching session to review the TVS report and the action matrix.  The matrix documents are delivered to the ops manager.  We have another three coaching sessions with the ops manager to support her to followup on these commitments and to role model cascading the skills to the workgroup managers.

 

I’m not going to detail this, but we could zoom out again to look at this ops team project in the context of the change project.  In other words,  the E/A/R workflow about trust may be part of a larger iteration of the E/A/R cycle.  In the larger cycle, the Engage phase would include identifying specific hard metrics for the project, and building consensus with the ops manager, GM, and HR Director to make this a priority.  At the end of this larger cycle, the Reflect phase will look at those metrics to see ROI.  As we discuss in the book, INSIDE CHANGE, this spiraling process is key because each time around, we build momentum going into the next spin of the Change MAP.

 

Next Up

How can you use it?  Whether you’re a trainer, teacher, coach, operations leader, HR professional, parent, or friend you can use this framework for learning.  Where do you want to make learning stick?  What would happen if you structured the process more carefully so your group (and you) can take in new info and actually make meaning?  Think about the next keynote you’re giving, the next meeting you’re facilitating, the next car ride where you’re chatting.  How can you build momentum with these phases?

• Engage:  Draw them in with emotion, data, and a substantive model or framework.
• Activate: Bring it alive and make it real.
• Reflect: Invite the participants to pull it together and commit to the next steps.

Then do it again!

To learn more about these phases and the cycle, I recommend INSIDE CHANGE.  It’s about how to make organizational change work by starting with people – so it doesn’t talk about learning design.  But following the logic of this article, you’ll see how the Change MAP applies to many different kinds of transformation.

 

(By the way, this article is structured in Engage, Activate, Reflect.  Can you see the phases?)

If we don’t shift gears, we are choosing global devastation — socially, environmentally, economically — and while millions of people are working to make things better, humanity is still finding it incredibly difficult to change the game to a sustainable, prosperous, and joyful future.  At Six Seconds we’ve found incredibly powerful methods of catalyzing positive change, and teaching people to lead transformation, each of us starting with ourselves.  By leveraging current neuroscience, we teach the learnable, measurable skills of emotional intelligence:  Will you join us?

My daughter recently shared a powerful video about leading action.  Simon Sinek says it’s about starting with the why  – then the how and what, as I did in the description above (see more about this in the video below).  It resonated with me because at Six Seconds, we measure and teach the skills of emotional intelligence so people can lead positive change.  We articulate these skills in What, How, and Why:

What:	Know Yourself (self-awareness) – what is happening, what am I thinking, doing & feeling?
How:	Choose Yourself (self-management) — how am I responding or reacting – is that how I really want to show up?  Are there other options?
Why:	Give Yourself (self-direction) – why am I here right now?  What is my real purpose?  Am I aligning the What & How with this WHY?

 

Substantiating these three “pursuits” we offer eight learnable, measurable competencies that enable people to put emotional intelligence into action.  These pursuits and skills drive some 60% in the variation of performance, they’re cross culturally valid, and they can be developed and utilized.  With dozens of published assessments, books, training tools, and development programs, we equip people to learn and use these competencies.  In our training and coaching, we use these three pursuits as a process framework to enable people to move from their current situation toward their most important goals — at work, school, home, and in the community.  Because the current status quo is not working — and the most powerful lever for transformation is tapping the power of emotions.

In my experience, some people are more convinced by the “what and how” – having rigorous data and powerful methodologies.  And, I completely agree with Sinek that the WHY is often missing, and the piece that actually drives the emotion, which drives response.  The Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence is unique in that we’ve identified a competency called “Pursue Noble Goals” as part of emotional intelligence.  When we are totally clear about our purpose, and we put that in action, we’re able to transform our own and others’ emotions in a profound way.

I’ve found that fear of not being accepted causes me to emphasize the “practical” and “businesslike” aspects of my work.  So, if I take Simon’s advice and put the WHY first, it will compel me to put it out there — to stand up and stand out for this message.  Since I see that this is one of the most important commitments I can make, I’ll say again:

If we don’t shift gears, we are choosing global devastation — socially, environmentally, economically — and while millions of people are working to make things better, humanity is still finding it incredibly difficult to change the game to a sustainable, prosperous, and joyful future.  At Six Seconds we’ve found incredibly powerful methods of catalyzing positive change, and teaching people to lead transformation, each of us starting with ourselves.  By leveraging current neuroscience, we teach the learnable, measurable skills of emotional intelligence:  Will you join us?

Will you?

Here is Simon’s video to help you communicate your choice:

Is emotional intelligence important for coaches and coaching clients?  Why?

Here are six ideas, please comment and add your perspective.

EQ Equips Coaching Clients:

1. Coaching clients are looking to create change – and most change fails because of a lack of understanding the human, emotional drivers.  By developing and using their EQ, clients are able to tap powerful insight and the motive force of emotion to fuel transformation.
2. Coaching clients need to improve results — which means improving their methods and actions, but equally how they go about these actions.  With increased EQ, they see that the impact they create is based not just on what they do, but on how they do it.
3. Coaching clients need practical tools.  In addition to powerful insight, an effective model of emotional intelligence supports this.  A tool like the Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Assessment provides a process framework for using EQ — and a set of applicable competencies that drive performance.

EQ Empowers Coaches:

1. People are more than rational, emotions motivate us and focus our attention.  If coaches can’t see the intangible drivers of behavior, they will miss what’s actually fueling their clients… while high EQ coaches will have the insight to spark deeper awareness and transformation that starts from the inside.
2. Emotions are a filter that shape what we see and how we evaluate information.  Emotional intelligence allows coaches to perceive and manage these filters so they get a more accurate and useful understanding of their clients.
3. Emotions are contagious.  When coaches develop emotional intelligence they are more skilled at accessing and generating the emotions that let them connect with and influence their clients to deeper reflection and more powerful motivation.

 

Are you a coach looking for powerful tools and processes to supercharge coaching with emotional intelligence?  We have a few more seats in the “SEI Coach” course, Toronto (Canada) Feb 6-9, 2012: http://seic212.eventbrite.com/

It’s a glorious sunny day here on the Central Coast of California — I was just writing to some of our international office Directors (now we have 10, and an 11th coming soon) — and I realized that it’s already 2012 in many Six Seconds offices.  So many different weathers at the one moment.  So many languages.  So many flavors and sights and sounds.  All together – here, now.  This one instant is bursting with possibility.

Recently my family and I I had the pleasure of sitting zazen with an amazing monk.  He’s the fifth generation of monks in this 600-year-old temple, Shunkoin, in Myoshinji (in Kyoto), and his son will be born soon.  Sitting on the tatami mats glowing in the morning sun, looking at the simple geometry of hand-cut wood framing the walls, watching the incense smoke curling around my 10-year-old son (in his bright orange signature colors), I was touched by the confluence of all these rivers coming together in that one moment.  Kawakami-san, “our” monk, reminded us that every moment, the moment is passing.  And as the moments pass, often we end up with fewer and fewer choices.  Life is not a static experience, but one of continuous flow.

This morning, we buried Max’s favorite chicken, Puff.  I tied a few of Puff’s orange-gold feathers with a white ribbon, and gave them to Max.  As the kids filled in the grave, Patty sang “The Red River Valley,” the song we sang to say goodbye to my dad, and I was overflowing with this strange mix of feelings.  Sorrow and loss, but also joy and appreciation.  A stunning day in this glorious place we live — beautiful golden feathers in my lovely boy’s hands, a boy gentle and caring enough to be completely in love with a soft fluffy bird.  This part of my family together, but many of us spread far and wide, including beyond this life.  So many paradoxes, so many threads together.

I thought of Kawakami’s council, that just because life is constantly passing and flowing, we don’t have to lose the choices if we stay more aware, more awake, in the passing moments.  My experience today was that letting myself feel the beautiful mix of emotions awakens something in me, not fighting against myself, not trying to hold still in the flowing current — but feeling it for what it is, opening to it, and learning from it.

So, a New Year’s wish for you, and me, is that we feel more moments.

May your 2012 be abundant, verdant, and exuberant.
– Josh

Ever have one of those days where you look at your list, you look at your desk, and you just collapse back into your chair wonder, “Where the whatever should I even START??”

There’s a technical EQ term for that state — it’s called, “Confusion.”

Frequently confusion seeps in when you’re “running on empty” or you’re juggling too many balls. A kind of mental, emotional, and physical fatigue creeps in — maybe as a defense mechanism, it’s your body saying, “Hey! Take a break or I’ll make you!!”

When you feel that “slow down,” of energy and engagement the first challenge is to notice it. Then take an effective break.

I spent a good part of the morning in overload — going between stress and wet blanket. I literally stared at my “to do list” for a few minutes and it all was a blur — nothing stood out as important… but I KNOW I’ve got some important work to do!
Luckily, today the sun was breaking through the clouds, so I picked up a sandwich for lunch and headed to a favorite beach for a 15 minute renewal break.

It’s wonderful to go to the beach in winter — there were five people on the mile of beach I walked. The sun was warm, and the water sparkling. I walked and tried to pay attention to all that.

I kept thinking about work, about this article, about whatever — thoughts just spinning without much focus or direction.

So I had to break out the “big guns” for renewal: my senses.

I stopped. Stood still. Looked at the water and tried to just see without evaluating. I picked up some sand and felt the texture. I reminded myself, “Don’t think about feeling the sand — actually Feel the sand.” I listened to the waves.

I just about gave up — I was telling myself, “I’m too busy to spend another minute on the damn beach — no wonder it’s empty!”

I tried again, really paying attention to the physical sensations instead of the mental “chatter.” And like a light switch, I experienced a cessation of “noise” and extraneous thought. I felt myself breathe more deeply and see more clearly. For just two minutes I sat down and was truly still — and my energy shot back up, my muscle tension dropped, my back pain was less, and I felt excited to go back to work. Not agitated, but excited!

For me, the beach is a compelling symbol of renewal. The constancy of the waves, the sand washed clean each day. Walking, it seems, upon land that’s never seen a human footprint. It’s also easy for me to get to the beach — but you can apply the same method anywhere.

Tom Wojick, a colleague and resiliency expert, teaches about “rituals of renewal” as simple mechanisms that restore energy and balance. A ritual of renewal can be as simple as walking to the water cooler, or looking at a photo, or putting on a favorite piece of music. Thirty seconds an hour, according to Dr. Robert Cooper, is enough to increase energy and resilience by 100%.

A Ritual of Renewal is not intended as a complex feat of logistics and time. It should be easy enough to become automatic. It needs to shift your body, your mind, and/or your heart — and ideally all three, without adding stressors to the body. So coffee, cigarettes, candy, and soda are not as effective as:

• Go give someone an appreciation in person.
• Look out the window at something beautiful.
• Sing a song you love.
• Sip icewater.
• Walk around the floor.
• Shoot a few hoops.
• Weed 1 square foot of garden.
• Pick up 5 pieces of trash.
• Laugh at a silly joke.
• Call your love and tell her so.
• Read an EQ Reflection (collected on www.6seconds.org)
  

And remember — don’t think about feeling the sand: feel the sand!

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Originally posted 3/16/04 by Joshua Freedman on www.6seconds.org