Perhaps self evident: When people are hurt or scared, we often protect ourselves by becoming spiky or hard – creating a shell or a wall. As we shut down our feelings to prevent more distress, we shut down not just the painful feelings but all feelings. As the spikes get sharper, the walls higher, we shut out not just the source of threat but everyone else.
In those times we have a choice — to be protected, isolated, and numb vs vulnerable, open, and vibrant. While the latter sounds more obviously rich, it’s not a trivial risk. When we “know” that the world is dangerous and people are “going to” hurt us, vulnerability isn’t an easy choice.
The paradox is that no matter how sharp the spikes nor high the walls, we’ll never be safe that way. And, even more surprising – even miraculous – is that softening, opening, accepting… walking into the fires of vulnerability we actually find the deeper safety that we crave.
What’s the first step?