Emotional intelligence helps us make better choices; we can evaluate and respond rather than reacting unconsciously.  In the Six Seconds Model, we teach a three step process: (1) increase awareness, (2) evaluate, and (3) move forward purposefully.  The concept is simple, but how to do it?  Here is a collection of practical tips from our network members around the world.  Earlier we posted tips are how to increase self-awareness (for the Awareness part of the model). 

Now we come to the 2nd set of tips, for the 2nd part of Six Seconds Model — we call this stage “Choose Yourself.”  The point is to move out of reaction – to manage yourself – and move into a position where you can act with your best response.  There are four competencies that let you do so:

Apply Consequential Thinking:  Pause and evaluate both the pragmatic and emotional components of the situation

Navigate Emotions:  Engage emotions intentionally to help move the situation forward

Engage Intrinsic Motivation:  Strengthen the inner drive to move ahead in a useful way

Exercise Optimism:  Identify new opportunities and possibilities to invent additional solutions

 (click on any of the competency names for more articles on this specific topic)

 

15 Tips for Emotional Intelligence: Choice

Remember:  Learn from the past, live in the moment, and plan for the future.

Ed Woodd

 

Take the six second pause to gather your thoughts before you speak.

Teresa Veenstra, Sr. Consultant & Executive Coach

 

Practicing EQ is a conscious choice that is available to us in every moment. Opportunities to practice can show up in not only our reactions to things but in our decisions, our questions, our words, what we focus our attention on, how we spend our time, who we decide to include or exclude, etc. 

Increasing your awareness of where and when you can practice EQ can help you decide how. So:  Pay attention to all of the opportunities we have each day to practice and choose one that feels right, and write down what happened. And as that gets easier, increase the number to two, and so on.

Julie Binter

 

PAC before you act:  Pause.  Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. Clear your mind.

Nehad Tadros

 

When you are emotionally charged, take a deep breath before responding.   The science of breathing is very deep in Yoga, and at least one deep breath creates a Six Second Pause.

Mala Kapadia

 

Tap into compassion everywhere. Engage in positive caring dialogue with the taxi driver, the dry cleaning man, the grocery bag packer etc. say good morning to passing people on the sidewalk. Ask meaningful questions. Really listen to the answers.

Carolyn Meacher

 

Sometimes we encounter a situation which is really challenging. I catch my thoughts in that situation with the three questions of optimism:

• Am I thinking that this permanent? (‘It will never get better’)
• Am I feeling this is pervasive? (‘It is changing everything’)
• Am I giving up my power, or taking too much power? (‘There is NOTHING I can do’ or ‘It is ALL my fault’)

Then I step back and become a ‘detective” and try to gather evidence for those views. Next I dispute those thoughts if they are inaccurate and choose realistic, accurate, positive thoughts. This helps me to cope better, with some hopefulness !!

Sandeep Kelkar

 

I learnt this tip recently about using the body to increase awareness of our emotions.  Ask yourself: “Do I feel expanded and open or contracted and small?”  When you feel “compressed,” breathing deeply “into the belly” can release muscles – really breathe, and let your shoulder open and relax. As you fill up with air, the physiological expansion influences the mind and emotions as well, reducing stress and increasing openness.  This helps us make more powerful, positive choices.

Rita Haque

 

Find something impossible to do… and practice.  (Here’s an explanation of going from “Impossible” to “Not Yet Possible”)

Joshua Freedman

  

When you hit a setback, separate what parts of the situation you can control or influence and what parts you cannot.  For the things you can’t control, do the LIGMO!  (Let it go, move on.)  Focus on what you can influence and notice how much more confident you’ll feel about overcoming the setback.

Dawn Cook

 

I have ten feelings, each ‘attached’ to each of my fingers: calm, provocative, energetic, optimistic, thankful, decisive, proactive, sympathetic, accepting, joyous, reflective. These are just my own 10 that I have ‘rooted’ on to each fingertip. I’ve done so by remembering a time when I had the feeling, explored it using all senses, and then imagined that state captured in my finger. Each time I want to shift a state from current unhelpful to more helpful – I can look at my fingers to remember these other states, and ‘feel through’ the new feeling on the chosen finger.

Katherine Roff

 

Human beings are born with a unique gift of Nature: The CHOICE to select from our available options. This applies to emotions also.  We might not have unlimited choice, but we usually have many feelings.

So we can ask ourselves: “Am I really using this CHOICE?” I notice that sometimes I have forfeited this choice unconsciously.  Realizing this, I can then re-assert myself.

Tauqir Ahmad 

 

Take Two: Set aside two minutes – relax and breathe deeply.  Then write down two solutions to your problem.

Beth Hammett

 

Create opportunities to informally share what you feel and ask for feelings feedback especially in your teams as well as with clients. This can clear the air of any harbored darkness in the relationship.

Dexter Valles

 

When you are frustrated or upset, before you say something harsh, take a six second pause to quickly assess the costs and benefits of that action.  When you “Apply Consequential Thinking” you make more careful choices that ultimately work to your advantage.

Niloufer Aga

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