Making Relationships Work: A Conversation with Psychologist John M. Gottman by Diane Coutu
Great article. Focus is on Gottman’s specialty, marriages, and it’s a bit thin on link to biz relationships — but the advice is very practical. 3 points I liked:
1. “Successful couples, he notes, look for ways to accentuate the positive. They try to say “yes” as often as possible.” Gottman uses metaphor of salt shaker that can be filled with “yes” – how often can you sprinkle that on relationships?
2. “good relationships aren’t about clear communication—they’re about small moments of attachment and intimacy. It takes time and work to make such moments part of the fabric of everyday life.” This takes making it a priority! Relationship is at the center of the leader’s job, not a distraction from the tasks.
3. There are a lot of theories about the basic things people fight about. Gottman says no – it’s not about a thing at all: it’s about HOW people fight! In other words, it’s not the subject that matters, it’s the emotional message that’s underneath it.
While they don’t call it “Emotional Intelligence” this article makes another case for the importance of EQ:
A résumé and a brief job interview can’t answer the question that matters most to a new hire’s co-workers: Is this person an absolute pain?Despite a labor shortage in many sectors, some employers are pickier than ever about whom they hire. Businesses in fields where jobs are highly coveted — or just sound like fun — are stepping up efforts to weed out people who might have the right credentials but the wrong personality.
Call it the “plays well with others” factor. Job candidates at investment banks have long endured dozens of interviews designed, in part, to see if new hires will get along with everyone they’ll work with.
Source: Warmth is a trait that can make or break a job applicant, Houston Chronicle, Nov. 9, 2007
Just posted on EQ Planet, my podcast, an interview with Alan Deustchman, author of Change or Die.
Deutschman explains what it really takes to get people and businesses to change — no surprise, it takes emotional intelligence as well as strategic brilliance and some luck. The secret is to move away from the old paradigm of force, facts, and fear — and replace it with relationships that inspire hope.
There’s been so much talk about Mackey’s outburst about Wild Oats. Mackey is a guy who seems to have a lot of emotional intelligence, especially in his leadership. But something broke!
Check it out: http://www.boingboing.net/2007/07/12/whole_foods_ceo_caug.html
Press Release on my new book: PR Web – At the Heart of Leadership
Web site: At the Heart of Leadership: How to Get Results with Emotional Intelligence
— a free excerpt of the book is available for download
Here’s more of the story from Six Seconds, The Emotional Intelligence Network:
|New Book Teaches How To Get to The Heart of Leadership
|For over a decade the concept of “emotional intelligence” has been a buzz around the world, and while many books have defined the concept, now there is finally a book which shows leaders how to apply it.In a business climate fraught with rapid change, globalization, and an elusive pool of top talent, how do leaders forge competitive advantage? The science of emotional intelligence provides critical insights into the answer, but how do leaders put the concept in action?
Whew – exciting hyperbole or what??? Cutting through the hype… I’m really proud about the book! There’s a ton of valuable ideas as well as a lot of science made practical. Not the “best thing since sliced bread,” but I am confident that leaders interested in actually USING emotional intelligence will find this to be a useful tool.
Seattle Post Intelligencer, 6/5/07
Couple quotes I liked:
You can’t change what you are unaware of in yourself. Being able to observe yourself in the heat of the moment is the first step to making a different choice versus your typical programmed emotional reaction.
This comment is key:
There is valuable information in emotions — if you can tune into that internal channel. Feelings can clue us in about the importance and meaning of an event, situation or interaction.
Would be nice to see more depth in what appears in popular media. “Emotions matter” is a good start though!
Crossing the Cultural Divide with Emotional Intelligence
Published March 2007
A few excerpts…
Is there a way to cut across cultural difference and understand one another at a human level? If we access the intelligence of emotions, are we just using another cultural filter, or does universality exist? Are some aspects of emotional intelligence (EQ) more or less influenced by culture? And how do we use this concept to improve performance?
One of the areas with the greatest difference is optimism. Because optimism is linked closely with performance, this finding has important implications for performance management. When people from the Americas and Asia work together, they often assess risk differently. Those from the Americas are more likely to see possible solutions and have an expectation they can affect the outcome. Coupled with research indicating optimism scores predict performance scores, this finding suggests managers from the Americas might under-evaluate the performance of their Asian team members. Conversely, it suggests Asians who want to excel in a multinational company will benefit by developing this learnable skill.
The cross-cultural aspect of emotional intelligence is of particular importance in a global economy. To the extent that emotions are a universal language and that people in all cultures and places share a similar view of traits such as integrity and authenticity, the ability to “read and write the language of emotions” is an invaluable asset.
New on 6seconds.org:
Despite their super-human capacity for making computers communicate, many “geeks” (AKA “IT Professionals”) are challenged by the traditional human-to-human interface. Yet as key players in any business unit, today’s IT experts have to get beyond their “left-brain” genius. While some think techies lack an understanding of emotions, new research by Six Seconds Consulting Group proves otherwise.
Check out the White Paper: Increasing Emotional Intelligence
by Joe Citarrella
It is better for an investor to know why he or she feels some way about a stock than simply to know that he or she feels this way and that this is patently “bad”. In some cases, the emotion may be maladaptive, but in others it may be telling you something important about a company in which you’ve invested. Yet, the only way to know is not to ignore the emotions.
Great point! Emotions are data (and energy). The worst way to understand data is to ignore it.