In 1990, the science of emotional intelligence was launched with an intriguing paper by Peter Salovey and John Mayer.  Where conventional thinking says emotions are in the way of thinking, they suggested that, perhaps, emotions could assist thinking if used effectively.  Fueled in large part by Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book on the subject, we saw a wide and deep interest in the first decade to discover the meaning of this powerful concept (here is an article on the origins of emotional intelligence, interviewing Dan Goleman & Peter Salovey). 

In the 2000s, the concept was widely known, but yet unproven.  This second decade was a period of validation, where we learned that emotional intelligence is correlated with a wide variety of valuable outcomes in business, in education, and in life.  Dozens and dozens of research studies in this decade showed EQ predicts leadership effectiveness, sales, customer service, financial wellbeing, career progression, academic achievement, health, relationships, and positive behaviors.  While research is ongoing, by 2010 the case was well established.

What will the third decade bring?  In the past, initiatives on emotional intelligence were significant, but limited in scope.  They tended to focus on a pilot group — leaders were testing the concept.  In the last few years, we’ve seen more and more organizations integrating emotional intelligence into the fabric of their operation as a key to competitive advantage.  Just one example: we recently published the Amadori Case, a 3-year study showing the effects of making emotional intelligence a central part of organizational strategy.

The first NexusEQ Conference was held in 2000.  At that conference, the concept was new to many participants — and a major question was:  How do we define emotional intelligence?  By the 2005 NexusEQ Conference in Holland, the theme had shifted, and many presentations focused on how to measure the value of EI.  It’s powerful, today, to see the agenda of the 7th NexusEQ Conference – to be held at the Harvard Medical School Conference Center on June 24-26, 2013.  There are over 50 cases.  This is not a situation of “early exploration.”  We’re seeing a wide and deep application of this breakthrough concept.

As Daniel Goleman wrote yesterday, emotional intelligence has come of age.

This third decade of emotional intelligence is about application.  

Using the science and practice to create positive change — and on the agenda we can see this happening in remarkable ways.  From worldwide implementation at FedEx, to in-depth integration into elementary schools and universities, to transforming addiction, to saving the environment:  Emotional intelligence is the difference that makes the difference.  

These are foundational skills for human interaction, so in this third decade we’ll see emotional intelligence woven more deeply and powerfully into the fabric of our institutions and lives. It’s time not just to know, or to value, but to practice.

*

Thank you to Tanabe Yasuhiro, the Managing Director of Six Seconds Japan. Preparing for a presentation together, Tanabe-san raised this important point about the evolution of our work.

The post The Third Decade of Emotional Intelligence appeared first on Six Seconds.

Surveying thousands of people over 15 years, there are two attributes that make real leaders stand out.  This first is listening.  Why’s it such a rare and powerful practice among leaders?  What would it take to be one of those?

Today, I spoke with a group of business leaders in Lisbon, and again, listening popped up as a rare and exceptionally powerful gift of exceptional leaders.  If I were talking to your colleagues, would they think of you as the one “stand out leader” in their lives?  I suspect that more careful listening is one of the most powerful ways to get on this most exclusive of lists.

Why is listening so significant?

From my personal experience, it’s easy for me to think of times when I didn’t sense real listening.  This triggers all kinds of insecurities for me:  Do I matter?  Am I included? Do I have a voice?  As a somewhat introverted person, I’ve often felt like an outsider.  But when someone really listens to me, I can FEEL the connection.  I suspect listening meets many of our basic human needs:

First, good listening is a gift that touches a core need for significance.  When people listen to us, they give us time.  They don’t “take time” to listen, they give it.  This sends us a primal signal:  I matter.

Second, when a leader listens, we feel belonging – which is one of the most powerful human motivators.  Literally, when we “feel listened to,” we have a “seat at the table.” We are part of the group — and when it’s the leader listening, we’re part of the leader’s group.  We’re in.

Feeling heard activates a third basic human need: accomplishment.  We have a voice.  We have a chance to contribute.  We’re part of the solution.

 

Why is listening so difficult?

Thinking about this article, I was remembering the last few interactions I had with my team.  I was leaving on a long trip, had about a million and seven tasks to accomplish, and I was pretty focused on my own “stuff.”  One of my team members came to ask me some questions.  At one level, I perceived it as an interruption and went into judgment, “this isn’t really important, why do we need to talk about this now?”  Thankfully I’ve learned to halt that inner critic pretty quickly, and I navigated my emotions and turned on some empathy… but this initial reaction offers some insight (I hope so, else, I’ve just admitted to being a bit of a jerk for no reason).

As I mentioned in a recent article about stress and collaboration, there’s intriguing research about the way our prefrontal network prioritizes information.  In order to “focus” on tasks and data, our brains shut off other functions, including processing emotional data: more task orientation means less empathy.  In our high-stress lives, we are forcing our brains to juggle, and when there are too many balls in the air, we drop some.  Unfortunately, we often drop the fragile glass ones that create trust and partnership and respect.

In the Six Seconds Model, one of our core competencies is to Recognize Patterns.  What are your typical reactions when you have too much to do?  When you think someone is interrupting? When you feel impatient?  My patterns certainly don’t help me listen…

 

How to be a better listener?

I suspect that one reason emotional intelligence is essential in good listening is that EQ skills help us cope with stress (here’s some research on EQ & stress in healthcare).  EQ skills help us juggle those glass balls… and, help us prioritize which ones to drop when we’ve got to do that.  Accurate assessment, after all, is one of the key outcomes of intelligence (be it emotional or mathematical).  So a few tips for bringing emotional intelligence forward when listening:

1. Engage imagination and curiosity.  

For a recent article on Forbes about the neuroscience of empathy, researcher Marco Iaboboni shared some insights about the links between imagination and empathy.  When you imagine, you build new neural pathways — you create bridges.  You don’t KNOW what the person is experiencing, but you can play, “what if.”  “What if I had this problem?”  ”What if I had to talk to me right now?”  ”What if she is uncertain and needs my help?”  ”What if there is a real problem I’m not seeing?”

I’ve found curiosity to be an invaluable partner to listening.  There’s a Japanese proverb I love, “The other side also has another side.”  Everyone has a story.  There’s something fascinating hiding just out of view.  People rarely (never?) say what’s really on their minds… heck, half the time I don’t even know what’s really on mine.  But with this combo of imagination and curiosity I can enter into a sense of wonder and openness that let’s me hear much more than is said.

 

2. Re-prioritize.

The biggest obstacle, perhaps, is bizzyness.  Did you see the intriguing NY Times opinion about “The Busy Trap“?  Summary: “ The ‘crazy busy’ existence so many of us complain about is almost entirely self-imposed.”  We LIKE being busy!  We’re addicted to it.  Probably in a literal, chemical sense of addiction.  I’ve noticed on long plane rides across the Pacific, I am a great listener.  Or on a ambling walk through the winding stress of Rome.  Or laying on the warm sand near home on the California Coast.  Or during super-late-night letlag-fueled chats sipping mint tea in Singapore’s Arab Quarter. These are “time out of time” movements.  There’s no agenda.  No menacing “to do” list.

The obvious implication is that I am much better at listening when there are not “more important things to do.”  Hm.  Let that settle in for a minute:  What’s our job as leaders?  Isn’t leading our people actually the most important thing to do?

 

3. Remember that faking it is, well… fake.

There’s conflicting evidence about smiling — it seems even a fake smile can lower your stress and improve your mood, but research says it can also make you miserable to fake happiness. In any case, many people are able to see through as least many of the fakes (you can test yourself on this free BBC experiment).  In any case, when we “fake it,” we send a mixed emotional message.  This inconsistency is a signal that can trigger distrust — even if we’re not aware that’s happening.  Instead, take ownership of your feelings so you can be real.

Keep noticing your own feelings.  When you feel impatient, anxious, overwhelmed… you are unlikely to be a good listener.  These are not “negative” or “bad” feelings, they have an important role and purpose, and you’re unlikely to be effective trying to “just push them aside.”  Instead, recognize the emotions as signals of a problem, and deal with it.  Do so before it escalates and it will be relatively easy — otherwise you’ll have a long period of under-performance, especially in jobs such as listening. 

You can learn to navigate emotions.  If you need help, get an EQ coach.  It’s an invaluable skill if you’re committed to leading people.

 

4. Suspend and attend.

My friend Mimi Frenette shared this phrase when we were teaching EQ skills to the US Navy.  Suspend means to stop doing other tasks, and to stop internal chatter (e.g., thinking of what you’re going to say back).  Attend means to notice — not just hearing the words, but attending to the meaning.  What’s underneath?

As Lea Brovedani describes in TRUSTED, leaders who listen stop what they’re doing.  They close their computers.  They move to a new chair.  They give their attention.  This makes listening into a literal moment of investment in the relationship.  An investment in trust.

In her chapter on empathy in Leader as a Mensch, Bruna Martinuzzi provides several tips for listening, including: “Don’t interrupt people. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.”

 

At the start, I mentioned that two factors keep arising in these discussions of exceptional leaders.  The second is about supporting risks, and I’ll write about that soon.  In the mean time, are you still listening?

The post Listening Leaders appeared first on Six Seconds.

“500,000 people will be listening, but you need to give them just 3 short messages, ok?”  I was interviewed in Mexico many years ago, and the host explained that since it’s a Spanish station, I needed to make just three brief statements in English – she would translate each and discuss in Spanish.

After wonderful discussions with my colleagues, I decided on three messages — a “story” I’ve continued to articulate for over a decade.  Before I tell you my answer, I’d like you to consider how you’d answer.  If you could deliver three powerful points to half a million people, what would you tell them?

To answer, it might be helpful to consider:  What is the problem you want to solve? Is there a change you’d like to make in your business, your family, your community, the world?

As I travel around the world, I see that many of our biggest challenges are tied to a disconnection between the choices we’re making, and the results we’re creating.  No one WANTS to create economic meltdowns or environmental depredation, but we do.  A few days ago I posted featuring Anabel Jensen (Six Seconds) and Tony Wagner (Harvard) talking about the need to transform education.  In that, Anabel says,

It’s not enough to be smart, we need a powerful blend of ethics + compassion + commitment.  We need to put our principles into action.”  

Why don’t people do so?  What would it take to live that way?  This consideration led me to my answer for the radio show:

1. Emotions are real and they affect us.  They affect how we respond,  they shape the decisions we make.

2. You have a choice.  Maybe not total freedom, but options in how to respond.

3. Your choices matter.  Every decision, every interaction, affects ourselves, and others, and ultimately the world.

I didn’t realize it at first, but when I decided on my three messages, they are actually tied to the three parts of the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence. Know Yourself is about tuning into the value of feelings.  Choose Yourself means owning the decisions.  Give Yourself means ensuring those choices add up to create a worthwhile legacy.

What makes these three ideas transformational is that they are a PROCESS.  As we go through these three steps, we bring our emotional intelligence forward to make better decisions, to take action that’s aligned with our real goals.  Or, in Anabel’s words, to put our principles into action.

 

I hope to see you at the NexusEQ Conference in June, to share and hear how practitioners around the world are using emotional intelligence to make positive change. It’s part of our vision to support 1 billion people to practice the skills of emotional intelligence — which will require all of us to become more clear about those “3 essential points” we want to share.  S0 in the meantime, what are your three core messages?  Please share in the comments!

The post Your Three Essential Messages appeared first on Six Seconds.

Tony Wagner, Harvard professor and author of Creating Innovators, recently asked, “We no longer have to go to school to acquire knowledge – so what’s school for?”  Thirty years ago, teachers challenged students to write a paper with five cited sources.  Today the difficulty is narrowing it down to five.  Information is everywhere – now students need to learn to create meaning, which requires a much different skill set.

What do future leaders need?  Is it enough to memorize a set of problems?  While there are many opinions, a trend is emerging around the value of skills for being self-aware, collaborating with others, and creating new possibilities.  While traditional intellect remains important, these skills require a new form of insight into self and others, a capability called “emotional intelligence.”

 

Inventing the Future of Invention

In June at Harvard University, Wagner will join 80 other experts from around the globe – scientists, teachers, business leaders, and change makers – at the NexusEQ Conference. The question:  How to spark positive change in every sector of society?

Anabel Jensen is no stranger to this challenge, and she’ll open the NexusEQ Conference with a powerful invitation.  A pioneer in the field of emotional intelligence education, Jensen is a professor of education who has trained over 10,000 teachers.  She started multiple schools, and, as a school principal, was one of a few to ever win two Federal Blue Ribbon awards for excellence in education.

Today, Jensen is President of Six Seconds, the world’s largest network of emotional intelligence experts and advocates.  She is also the CEO of Synapse School, with a unique mission: Educating future change makers.

“A change maker ignites a spark of possibility, and nurtures that potential into a powerful force,” says Jensen.  “To lead change requires both insight and passion – head plus heart,” she explains.  That’s why Jensen’s school is infused with emotional intelligence.  “Every teacher, every parent, and every child benefits from practicing the skills of emotional intelligence.  It’s a powerful skill set to unlock potential.”

 

The Ingredients for Change Makers

At the NexusEQ Conference in June, Jensen’s opening keynote is called, “Calling Change Makers.”  She will share the essential ingredients for leading in the 21^st Century, and invite participants to put these into action.  “It’s not enough to be smart,” Jensen says, “we need a powerful blend of ethics + compassion + commitment.  We need to put our principles into action.”

Other conference speakers will echo this theme, sharing successes of how emotional intelligence is creating positive change.  Examples range from Fintan Connolley restoring hope among poverty-stricken youth in Northern Ireland, to Andre Earl-Clive Bisasor teaching negotiation skills to teens in Boston.  The common theme is harnessing the power of emotion to create positive change.

 

Educating the Heart: Social Emotional Learning

There is a pervasive perception in Western education:  We need to focus on the basics.  Particularly with the emphasis on testing created by the No Child Left Behind Act, schools are grappling to produce results.  Fortunately, in recent years, “social emotional learning” is becoming increasingly recognized as an essential component for school success.

In a kick-off webinar for the conference, Tony Wagner pointed out the risk of the old way of thinking, “Increasingly, schools are about one subject:  Test preparation.”  Wagner went on to point out that given all the changes occurring in society, it’s probably time for education to change as well.

The surprising news is that there’s no conflict between “basic education” and “educating the heart.”  Numerous research studies show that developing emotional intelligence ALSO improves academic achievement – and life success.   Quoting a compelling essay in The New York Times: “promoting students’ social and emotional skills plays a critical role in improving their academic performance.”

In a beautiful video entitled “Educate the Heart,” The Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education asks us to consider our children, “are the tools we give them enough to prepare them for this world?”  It continues, “If we truly want to prepare them for the world outside, we must also educate the heart.”

 

Emotional Intelligence: 21^st Century Skills

Anabel Jensen says, “We teach what we are, and we are what we teach.”  This means that the first step to teaching emotional intelligence is to practice the skills ourselves – as teachers, parents, community leaders, friends, concerned citizens.  “The skills of emotional intelligence,” she says, “are learnable and practical.  The challenge is to make a commitment and to keep practicing, especially when life is complex.”

Six Seconds, the nonprofit organization organizing the NexusEQ Conference, teaches that emotional intelligence can be activated with a simple three step process:

1. Increase awareness.  Notice your feelings and reactions.
2. Increase choice.  Pause and consider options.  Respond instead of reacting.
3. Increase purpose.  Pay attention to what’s truly important in the situation.

To put this process into action, Six Seconds has identified eight specific, learnable, measurable competencies.  Emotional intelligence skills include self-awareness, consequential thinking, optimism, and empathy.

In Six Seconds’ work, these are assessed with a tool called the SEI, Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Assessment, which is available for children and adults.  The organization also publishes curriculum for students, workshops for parents, and training programs for teachers and business people. 

At the NexusEQ Conference, over 50 case studies will share how these and other emotional intelligence tools are actually working to improve learning, innovation, and leadership.

Perhaps the best news is that universal relevance.  These essential skills support academic success for children.  The same skills help young people make healthier decisions.  Later, this toolset equips adults to lead.  As Wagner says, “For the first time in history, skills to do well in work & skills to be a good citizen have converged.”

The post Reinventing Education for Change Leaders: Head + Heart + Hands appeared first on Six Seconds.

Recent meeting… opposing views… EQ trainwreck.  As I watched, I just kept thinking:  It would be so easy to get agreement if these people used just a scrap of emotional intelligence.  So, in 3 simple steps, here’s how you get agreement… eat your veggies RAW:

1.  Relax.  

No, seriously.  When you walk into a meeting “wound up,” people immediately feel that.  Doesn’t matter if you’re coming loaded for bear, or just stressed by something unrelated… walk in tense and you create resistance.

2.  Align.*

Start with common purpose.  What are you, individually or together, trying to achieve?

Let’s say you are giving feedback about someone’s work, and it’s not great.  You can start by saying, “here are the 22 things wrong with your crappy work…” or, you can start by saying, “I want to be sure we’re on the same page about the goals.  Here’s what I think we’re trying to accomplish…”

3. Wait.

Think of the cliché used car salesman who talks a mile a minute trying to convince you… do the opposite.  The “first rule of emotional intelligence”: When people feel pushed, they resist.

Don’t push:  Pull.  Offer.  Invite.  Listen.  Make space.  

Go back to step 1… stay RAW ’till you have agreement.

* More about step 2, and the picture.

Did you see the incredible insights from Daniel Shapiro (from Harvard’s International Negotiation Program)?  He talked about moving out of an OPPOSITIONAL STANCE — and coming to stand on the same side so you & your former adversary are now standing shoulder-to-shoulder facing a mutual challenge.  It’s not a technical, cognitive skill — it’s an application of emotional intelligence.  Know Yourself, tune in.  Choose Yourself, deescalate.  Give Yourself, step together.

The picture above is one of the great Aikido masters (bonus points if you can identify the photo, I don’t know).  See how he’s moved to stand on the SAME side as his “opponent”?  See his open body language?  He’s inviting the young guy to fall down, and guess what?  The young guy is going to!

If you don’t want to get caught up in dissent, move so you’re standing next to the other guy.  One of the power-tools here is adding just a little empathy.  Tuning in.  Connecting.  Finding you’re both actually in the same life raft.

The post How To Get Agreement appeared first on Six Seconds.

 

Imagine you’re handling the biggest negotiation of your life – say, peace in the Middle East.  You need to leave emotions out of it, right?

“You can’t,” says Daniel Shapiro.  As Founder and Director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program, Shapiro’s seen it first hand: “One can try to leave emotions out, but they are relentlessly there, for better or worse.  You cannot avoid emotions any more than you can avoid thoughts.  Given that reality, why not use them to be helpful?”

It’s no surprise that emotions can fuel a conflict.  What few people realize is that these same dynamics are also a key part of the solution.  In June, Shapiro will explain how it works in a keynote at the NexusEQ Conference (Harvard Medical School Conference Center, June 24-26, 2013). 

 

Emotions Drive War and Peace

What is required to solve the world’s most pressing problems?  “It’s easy to image a dynamic at play between Israelis and Palestinians. These parties have a host of differences, and the dominant stance for dealing with those differences tends to be adversarial.  They each focus on protecting their side’s interests, which implies winning OVER the other.” But Shapiro explains that it’s nearly impossible to find meaningful resolution from this position.

Moving out of that adversarial stance is central to Dr. Shapiro’s work.  In his book, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (with Roger Fisher), he makes the case that logic is not enough to achieve resolution.  Feelings drive people toward conflict – and toward resolution.

“At the end of the day,” Shapiro says, “the focus of my work is on conflict management: how people can deal with their differences more effectively.  Whether it’s an issue between heads of state or husbands and wives, almost universally they approach conflict as adversaries: ‘me versus you.’ This triggers a colorful set of stubborn emotions, which makes digging oneself out of that conflict very difficult.” 

At this stage, feelings such as anger, fear, and hurt push people to narrow their focus to zero in on what’s not working instead of building long-term, cooperative relationships.

A small change unlocks the situation.  Instead of “facing off,” Shapiro says we need to get on the same side of the issue: “Shift the relational stance so it’s no longer ‘me versus you’ but the two of us working side by side facing a shared problem.  This creates a substantial emotional shift.”  Now the “colorful set of stubborn emotions” changes to expansive feelings such as curiosity, commitment, and even compassion.

The big challenge is that theoretical knowledge is insufficient. “Conflict resolution requires not just our cognitive understanding of how to deal with differences; it’s also about building our internal resources to be able to implement those processes.  The skills of emotional intelligence help people take action to move from dissent to collaboration.”

 

Solving the Real Problem

In a negotiation or conflict, there is the problem itself (the substance) and there is a surrounding set of emotional and relational issues (the context).  Shapiro points out that “typically a negotiation focuses on the substantive issue: the location of an international border, or where to go on vacation.  That’s important, but it’s not enough:  To maximize value, we need to look beneath that substance to see what’s really driving the conflict – to deal with the emotional dimension effectively.”

There are many powerful skills that Shapiro and colleagues teach at Harvard Law School and in negotiation programs around the world to handle these substantive issues.  But to see “underneath” the presenting problem and work with the context, another set of skills is required: The skills of Emotional Intelligence. 

Intelligence is the ability to collect data and use it to solve problems.  Mathematical intelligence allows us to accurately count, and to use that data to calculate numerical solutions.  Emotional intelligence allows us to accurately perceive people, and to use that data to calculate relational solutions.

Using this intelligence of emotions “cuts through” the surface of a problem and brings us to the core. “Politics and ideology, even differing dress, can distance us from others and others from us.  We lose sense of the profound possibilities of connection which exist between us —even in the face of an intractable conflict,” says Shapiro.  “Emotional intelligence, on some level, is a recognition of our shared humanity, and a set of skills that lets us connect. It’s hard to do, but with training one can do this more effectively.  More skills create more choice, which creates more potential value.”

 

It’s Easy When It’s Easy

“When I’m in a good mood,” Shapiro says, “it’s very easy to express gratitude.  When I’m in conflict, it’s much harder. In these tough times, positive emotions are even MORE needed, but very difficult to access.” 

“There are a lot of deadly conflicts in our world, and one can quickly lose hope in the possibility of resolution.  This is equally true in personal relationships – conflict can feel overbearing and hopeless.”  The good news, Shapiro believes, is that “most conflicts CAN be worked out in a generally positive way.” 

He points to South Africa and Northern Ireland as examples.  Just several years ago, few people believed that stable, positive resolution could occur.  Shapiro notes that “those two regions are a testament to the possibility of emotional transformation in a seemingly intractable context.  Things aren’t perfect today in either society — but they’ve come far – which should inspire all of us to recognize that the ‘stuckness’ we feel in a tough conflict may not be as intractable as our present emotions suggest.”

Again, Shapiro emphasizes that these examples are not just about negotiation, but reconciliation: “In Northern Ireland and South Africa, they have grappled not just with the substantive differences, but with the emotional complexities driving the conflict – working to create a different emotional context from which a new community could evolve.”  At the core, this is an emotional, relational challenge, and the skills of emotional intelligence are paramount: “It comes down to providing support for both dealing with the emotional wounds of the past and building a shared platform for positive future relations.”

 

World Peace?

While outside negotiators can help in some conflict, Shapiro sees particular power in equipping people with the skills themselves.  That’s why the Harvard International Negotiation Program is working with the World Economic Forum to create the world’s first Global Curriculum on Conflict Management for senior global leadership.  “Because emotions are incredibly important to effectively deal with conflict, the toolkit includes a core set of five ‘rational’ tools as well as five ‘emotional’ tools.”

At present, they’re teaching top level global and corporate leaders, but Shapiro says the goal is much larger. “What if we could translate and apply this material to youth around the world—so they would have a shared language for dealing with conflict and its emotional side?” 

The goal of this work, Shapiro notes, “is not a cessation of difference:  It’s the ability to deal well with differences.  Whether you are a senior executive or an entry level employee, a parent or child, we all face conflict – the basic human experience is universal.”

 

Shapiro offers three key insights for all of us to deal well with differences:

1. Prepare.  “The worst time for my wife and I to work on a process for dealing with our conflicts is when we are in the midst of one.  The time to learn about emotional intelligence and to sharpen skills in managing conflict is BEFORE it occurs.” 
    
2. Process matters.  “Remember to pay attention not just to ‘what we are fighting about,’ but HOW we are doing so.  We are much better off if, prior to a difficult conversation, we jointly clarify how we are going to have the conversation.  Are we going to debate?  Argue?  Listen for 5 minutes to each other’s experience?”        
    
3. Put emotional intelligence to practice in conflict situations.  “Emotional intelligence has been with human beings as long as there have been human beings. You might not have known about the theory of emotional intelligence – but you’ve always had this form of intelligence.  Sure, some of us may be more naturally gifted than others, but anyone can benefit from refining these skills.  And if you want to master the trade of conflict resolution, refining your emotional intelligence is critical.”

 

Perhaps the best news is that all these skills can be learned, and that’s a central theme of the NexusEQ Conference in June.  Over eighty scientists and practitioners will meet in the Martin Conference Center at Harvard Medical School to share effective applications of emotional intelligence.  According to Shapiro, this has bottom line value: “Rational negotiation skills are important, but more often than not, the stumbling blocks I see revolve around how people deal with other people.  Emotional intelligence is essential.”

Daniel L. Shapiro, Ph.D., is Founder and Director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program. He also is Assistant Professor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital and affiliated faculty at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation, where he serves as Associate Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

The post Solving the Biggest Problems: Daniel Shapiro on Emotional Intelligence and Negotiation appeared first on Six Seconds.

What can we each DO to put emotional intelligence into action?  Specifically, concretely, what are steps to take?

At Six Seconds, our vision is one billion people practicing the skills of emotional intelligence by 2039.  So I asked our world-wide network of certified practitioners, “What would you recommend for people to practice EQ?”  Here is the first list – more to come.

I’ve edited these and organized them based on the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, where step 1 is increasing self-awareness, a concept we call “Know Yourself.”  In this framework, there are two skills that enable this step:

Enhance Emotional Literacy — increase awareness & understanding of feelings.

Recognize Patterns — identify recurring reactions of thought, feeling, and action.

(click the links on those 2 competencies for more explanation, tips, and tools)

 

16 Tips for Emotional Intelligence: Awareness

 

Acknowledge emotions, not as good or bad, right or wrong but as a source of information that help you gain self-awareness.

Tang Weng Liang

 

1. Get great at unpacking your emotions and thinking. This is about stopping and asking “wait a minute, what’s going on for me here?  What am I feeling? What am I thinking? And what does all this mean for me?”

2. Notice your own strengths – and live into your strengths more fully.

Carolyn Meacher

 

Train yourself to sense your emotions via sensations in your body.

Shabbir Latif

 

Be an observer of yourself.  Pay attention to what you feel and how those feelings contribute, distract, enhance, or challenge you.  Awareness is the first step. 

Dawn Karner

 

Build your emotional vocabulary.

Robin Parker Meredith

 

Start with self-awareness. Acknowledge your emotions, and where you feel them in your body and name them.  Give yourself one minute, several times during the day when you feel uneasy.

Then, a second step is to ask yourself: “What I can do about it?” Allow just one minute to come up with a solution!

Irina Sergeeva

 

EQ is an “inside job” that begins with the foundation of enhanced self-awareness into your unique patterns of behavior that then fuels your choices with the goal of supporting your values and purpose in living. Turn inward, be curious about who you really are, and then show up to support the change you wish to be in the world. This self-study can encourage and support your tools of choice and then allow you to reach your potential in giving your best self!

Marilynn Jorgensen

 

I have myself used ‘Urgent Mindfulness’ as a tool for self awareness, where you, ‘Pay attention to the thoughts-feelings in the present moment, with purpose, non-judgmentally, as if your life depended on it.’

Sandeep Kelkar

 

Notice when you set yourself up for low EQ moments that become low EQ habits – two common traps:

1) Passing critical judgment on others (e.g. “How stupid is that?” or  “What in the world was he/she thinking?”)  This kind of comment is a crutch to elevate or affirm one’s superiority over another person’s choices, intelligence…. The EQ moment begins when we learn to recognize the habit and then re-train ourselves to restrain from making any negative comment at all.  All part of Recognizing Patterns. 

2) Taking offense.  This is another Recognizing Patterns area is a struggle for many of us.  In today’s world we have been taught to take offense at event the most trivial matters.  From taking offense, and feeling offended, people quickly escalate to criticism, judgment, bitterness, and unforgiveness, hurting which hurts relationships and even our own health.  The EQ moment:  Notice the other person’s comment or action, and instead of taking offence and taking it personally, just consider it as data:  “Hmmmm, that’s interesting.”  Or, “I wonder what’s going on for her?”  Or, “Wow, he must be really stressed…”

Marek Helstrom

 

Start by noticing what you’re feeling, right now. Observe without judgment (evaluating feelings as “good” “bad” “right” “wrong) or trying to ‘fix’ anything; just notice your emotions a few times per day.

Cheryl McKenzie-Cook

 

In the office, keep a feelings whiteboard divided for 2-3 parts of the day – morning, noon, evening – and list six or eight feelings.  Then ask people to check mark their feelings during the day.  See where the max check marks land.

Dexter Valles

 

Be comfortable first with your emotions – especially because emotions have functions: Emotions are not just about feeling something… What’s the message of the emotion?

Belinda Charles

 

One thing I do is that when I find myself reacting to a situation (my voice begins to rise, I find myself getting impatient, etc.), I take a moment and name the emotion(s) I’m feeling (to myself, of course *smile*), and then I try to determine which of my core values is being challenged and thus resulting in my emotional response.  This allows me to dive straight to the heart of why a situation is affecting me and begins to move me out of reaction and into a more considered response.

Nicole Tervalon

 

Sit silently for 15 minutes every day and do self-introspection.  The reflection is a first step towards practicing EQ.

Avtar Saksena

The post Tips to Practice Emotional Intelligence 1: Awareness appeared first on Six Seconds.

We all have emotional intelligence – the challenge is using it!  In the midst of hurt and frustration, it seems so much easier to just stomp our feet… or hurt someone back…. or run away…. What action will actually solve the problem?  

To answer, all we need is a little emotional intelligence.  It’s actually an incredibly simple idea: If we get thinking and feeling working together, we make better choices.  

How to use emotional intelligence?

At Six Seconds, we’ve developed a 3-step process to put emotional intelligence into action.  Recently, I wrote about stepping through fear, and described the steps as FOG.  Want to make an emotionally intelligent choice?  

FOG:

F:  Feelings.  What’s going on inside?

O: Options.  How could I respond?

G: Goals.  Why might I move forward?

 

The same steps apply when solving a problem between people… FOG for social problem solving or conflict resolution:

F:  Feelings.  What does each person feel?  What is each person doing?

O: Options.  How could we respond to each other? What choices can we make?

G: Goals.  Why might we move forward?  What’s our real goal?

 

By the way, these three steps are just another way of talking about the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence.  F is about “Know Yourself.”  O is for “Choose Yourself.”  G is a shorthand for “Give Yourself.”

Free Emotional Intelligence Poster

Noa Mendelevitch, one of Six Seconds’ amazing educators, and a specialist on unlocking creativity, created a FOG poster for classrooms and everywhere.  This should be a wonderful resource for sharing emotional intelligence with children (of all ages!

Please fill out the form below and we’ll automatically email you a high-resolution PDF that you can print! (it should arrive in a few seconds, if not, check your spam folder).

[contact-form-7]

 

 

The post FOG – How To Use Emotional Intelligence: Free Poster appeared first on Six Seconds.

Despite increasing awareness of environmentalism, the problems worsen.  The solution may lie in better understanding of human emotion – the subject of a conference at Harvard University in June.  The NexusEQ Conference brings together world leading scientists and practitioners to use emotion to spark positive change.

Today, this year’s Earth Day theme is, “The Face of Climate Change.” Perhaps, then, it’s a day to look in the mirror:  Despite a generation of growing environmental awareness, we’re not making sufficient change.

 

Solutions Require Emotional Intelligence

Scientists and practitioners meeting at Harvard in June will share examples of utilizing emotions to create positive change. The conference is part of a worldwide movement to promote “emotional intelligence,” a set of skills for using emotions effectively.  Speakers include neuroscientists, leaders, educators, and even a 13-year-old environmentalist.

Emma Freedman, a middle-school student from California, speaks around the world about the plight of the rainforest.  She explains, “I’ve seen first hand that we can’t wait for adults to fix the environment. The planet needs us, so it’s time for kids to become Jungle Heroes.”

At the conference, Freedman will share her work engaging young people, and using some of the concepts of emotional intelligence. “We need to feel the connection to the environment,” Miss Freedman says, “and kids need to know that you are never too young to make a difference.” See www.jungleheroes.org for more.

 

“Natural” Emotions Block Change

To create environmental change, we need human change.  That starts by understanding emotion.

1. Emotions drive change, but the brain doesn’t treat long-term, pervasive problems as threats.
2. Rhetoric about imminent destruction can trigger fear and stress, but people resist when they feel pushed because fear and powerlessness motivate short-term self-protection.  
3. Feelings of compassion and appreciation reduce stress and are effective motivators of protective behavior.

Fortunately, we’ve learned that it’s possible to become more skilled with emotion.  By developing the learnable skills of emotional intelligence, people become better at making complex choices – and engaging others to do the same.

To learn more about the NexusEQ Conference, visit www.NexusEQ.com — the conference is sponsored by a global nonprofit called Six Seconds, The Emotional Intelligence Network.  Six Seconds is the world leading authority on how to apply the science of emotional intelligence to create positive change.  Information is on www.6seconds.org.

:: In the Boston Globe

The post The Face, and Heart, of Climate Change: Emotional Intelligence Unlocks Human Ability to Care appeared first on Six Seconds.