Category: Emotional Intelligence

Dear Josh,
I’m a little confused with this issue, someone at my workshop asked me this question so need more explanation on this!  She said that: usually we use a hearts as an icon to express love and feelings and now you said feelings come from brain (amygdala) not heart?
So please help me to understand this, I have another workshop in Riyadh this week.
Look forward hearing from you, Regards,
– Manal

Hi Manal!
It is true that our emotions seem to be primarily produced and regulated in the brain – the limbic region.  Emotion chemicals are assembled in the hypothalamus and then released through the pituitary gland, they then flow through the blood and then into EVERY cell in the body.  The picture (to the right) illustrates an important point — when we’re talking about chemicals that are released from the brain in the blood, notice how important the heart is!  The Amygdala responds to certain “distress” or “danger” feeling chemicals and amplifies the flight/fright/freeze reaction – it is the regulator of our defensive patterns — again leading to a cascade of chemicals (one leading to another leading to another) that floods through brain & into body… and back and forth.

Neurotransmitters (brain cells) function through chemicals + electricity – so there are also electrical currents flowing around the brain tied to emotion.

However, the SAME kinds of brain cells and chemicals which exist in the limbic brain surround our hearts – and around our stomachs and in our spines — so people often talk about our “four brains”: head, heart, gut, and spine.

Important to note:  The neuropeptides that we experience as emotion (“the molecules of emotion” as Candace Pert says) are also produced throughout our bodies!  So sometimes a feeling could start in our toes!  These chemicals form a feedback loop between brain and body — constantly cycling around and regulating the function of our systems.  One major function is to direct attention — our emotions tell us what’s important in our environment (and in our internal landscape).

And finally:  There is emerging research on the link between the heart and emotions.  The heart beat becomes more regular when we’re in a calm, focused state.  The heart itself produces electromagnetic energy which seems also to become more even and smooth when we’re in an optimal state of emotional-mental-physical function.

Thanks for asking – I’ll post this on the blog as well!
=:-)
– Josh

Check out the revised website for Synapse Institute — Six Seconds’ lab school for gifted & special-needs students: www.6seconds.org/synapse

There are now several photos and a movie so you can get a feel for the place.  Amazing to see what happens when children have the mix of accelerated+deep academics and a fully integrated social-emotional learning program.

This is an absolutely lovely video showing a fabulous surprise – an “ordinary” extraordinary woman turning cynicism to appreciation. Reminds me how powerful we can be:

We’ve been hearing so much about “Swine Flu” — is this a medical issue or an emotional one?

Was talking to a doctor friend today who mentioned how much press we’re giving Swine Flu when “regular” influenza is so much more destructive every single year.  I was totally surprised, assuming that all this media coverage must signify a serious threat. So I looked that up — turns out that about 200,000 people are hospitalized every year in the US per year for influenza — less than .1% of that number have been diagnosed with Swine Flu in the US (see this story on WebMD: Putting Swine Flu in Perspective).

So what’s the fear?  Is it the uncertainty of a new type of influenza? (Apparently there are new influenza strains every year).  Is it just media hype?   Is it a “lighting rod” of a tangible threat that’s just happening to surface while millions of people are seeing their quality of life eroding in the face of global recession?

In the car yesterday when Patty, my wife, accidentally pressed the little red button on her keys.  Lots of loud noise ensued, with Patty jumping out of her skin and jabbing at every button she could find to turn off the caterwauling.

When she finally managed to silence the alarm: “Good name for this button,” she said, “I press it and it makes me panic!”

Patty’s cortical thinking (analysis, sequencing) was shut down due to the flood of emotions pushing her to protect herself in this “dangerous” situation.  This reaction, which Goleman called “Hijacking the Amygdala” after Joesph LeDoux’s scientific research on the process, is often described as a “primitive” or even “bad” emotional response.  Yet it beautifully illustrates the primacy of emotion and the way feelings drive us.  The trick, as Patty found, is to learn — in advance — how to push the “un panic” button.

Out of curiosity I started a poll on LinkedIn, the business networking platform.

What do you most want for your kids?
* Their financial success
* Their happiness
* That they contribute
* That they are kind

Click here to take the poll before you look below….

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(that space was the “pause” while you went to take the poll… and if you did you saw more current results, but here you go)

Of course as a parent I want ALL of these and more – but in the poll you only get one!  I offered 4 responses, two which are more “selfish” and two which are more “altruistic” — you can see the results.

Of course this is a SMALL and nonscientific poll, but what is the implication for our future?

I have always loved little boxes, they’re all around our house and I have a collection near my desk.

I’ve decided to make one a Dream Box in an attempt to stay hopeful.

I’d like to say I’m not afraid to talk about this, but the truth is I am.  I’m afraid that you will judge me because while I’m “supposed” to be tough, to be a “real man” and have that “executive presence,” in fact I’m uncertain and lonely.  I often doubt myself and question the value of my work.  I suspect this is true for a lot of people — I suspect it’s especially true for people who are attempting to lead and venture into new lands.

When work is relatively easy, the voice of doubt is quiet — or at least shouted down by all the excitement.  But in times like these when economic pressures mount and work and life become more challenging, the doubts get louder and more pervasive.  Apparently it’s not just an economic depression.  I go from doubting my direction, into doubting my vision, and then the doubt spreads to my very identity and I feel depressed.

Sadly, I know just what to say to myself to cut myself down, and on “bad days” I overwhelm myself –  I tell myself I’m not making a difference, that I’m wasting the best years of my life, that I’m sacrificing for nothing.  I tell myself it would be so much easier to just work for someone else and let them worry, to go to some well worn conventional path rather than tilting at endless windmills – and that while it’s sad that I’d make more money doing meaningless work, the evidence is that’s more valuable.  In our society the messages are pervasive money equates to value and success… and with so much economic uncertainty and fear abounding, that message becomes more potent.

Another part of me tries to stand up and challenge the doubter, but it’s all too easy to find evidence that the doubts are right.  Especially when the phone isn’t ringing.

Yet somehow that other optimistic voice just won’t give up — and there are a lot of “good days” — and that’s why I want the dream box.

A few months ago someone emailed thanking me for an article and said, “never doubt that you are making a difference.”  As I’ve thought about this post, those words keep running through my head.  I don’t want to doubt — yet I do.  So I’m going to go find that email and put those words in the dream box.  Just yesterday someone name Kaye emailed about the EQ Certification training and wrote, “it is still the single most powerful professional development that I have done” — Kaye’s words are going in the Dream Box.  Often after workshops people give me notes — they’re going in too.

Because even in the worst of these moments when almost all of me wants to give up, I try to imagine what I’d do instead, and I keep coming back to the foundation of our vision at Six Seconds.  Yes, maybe it’s irrational and maybe even hopeless, but somehow we – humans – have to find a way out off the self-destructive treadmill we’ve created.  We need to find value in ourselves and each other more than in money and things.  We need new visions and new skills to learn to love more deeply, to genuinely care for ourselves, each others, and our world — and no, my contribution won’t make this change, but what if I could make just a small inroad?  And if not me, then who?  And then I see messages like Kaye’s and I think maybe we are — not fixing it, but leaning the right direction.  Though the road is long and the path is steep, just a few steps might make a vast difference in a few people’s lives.

So I’ll take the reminders and put them in my dream box.  Then when the doubts start shouting, that other voice will have some backup.

Can a machine do a better job teaching emotional intelligence than a human?

I just arrived in Curacao – my first time here – lovely!  Tomorrow I start our “Breakthrough Leadership” program with a group of senior managers from a variety of companies (assisting them to apply emotional intelligence to their own leadership).

One of my favorite aspects of traveling is learning about the different challenges and opportunities people face in different places, and the myriad richness of the human experience even in our “globalized mush.”  Here’s this incredible place where the local language is a blend of some 5-6 different languages – a complex, vibrant culture.

Yet underneath, I’ll bet 20 Netherlands Antillean Guilders that the fundamental EQ challenges these leaders face is the same as everywhere – for example: staying focused on what matters while navigating complexity, balancing, being proactive, truly hearing, connecting across gulfs of culture, age, experience… and maintaining a vibrant, optimistic vision that enrolls people to be and do more.

I’ll let you know what I find!

I have always loved little boxes, they’re all around our house and I have a collection near my desk.

I’ve decided to make one a Dream Box in an attempt to stay hopeful.

I’d like to say I’m not afraid to talk about this, but the truth is I am.  I’m afraid that you will judge me because while I’m “supposed” to be tough, to be a “real man” and have that “executive presence,” in fact I’m uncertain and lonely.  I often doubt myself and question the value of my work.  I suspect this is true for a lot of people — I suspect it’s especially true for people who are attempting to lead and venture into new lands.

When work is relatively easy, the voice of doubt is quiet — or at least shouted down by all the excitement.  But in times like these when economic pressures mount and work and life become more challenging, the doubts get louder and more pervasive.  Apparently it’s not just an economic depression.  I go from doubting my direction, into doubting my vision, and then the doubt spreads to my very identity and I feel depressed.

Sadly, I know just what to say to myself to cut myself down, and on “bad days” I overwhelm myself –  I tell myself I’m not making a difference, that I’m wasting the best years of my life, that I’m sacrificing for nothing.  I tell myself it would be so much easier to just work for someone else and let them worry, to go to some well worn conventional path rather than tilting at endless windmills – and that while it’s sad that I’d make more money doing meaningless work, the evidence is that’s more valuable.  In our society the messages are pervasive money equates to value and success… and with so much economic uncertainty and fear abounding, that message becomes more potent.

Another part of me tries to stand up and challenge the doubter, but it’s all too easy to find evidence that the doubts are right.  Especially when the phone isn’t ringing.

Yet somehow that other optimistic voice just won’t give up — and there are a lot of “good days” — and that’s why I want the dream box.

A few months ago someone emailed thanking me for an article and said, “never doubt that you are making a difference.”  As I’ve thought about this post, those words keep running through my head.  I don’t want to doubt — yet I do.  So I’m going to go find that email and put those words in the dream box.  Just yesterday someone name Kaye emailed about the EQ Certification training and wrote, “it is still the single most powerful professional development that I have done” — Kaye’s words are going in the Dream Box.  Often after workshops people give me notes — they’re going in too.

Because even in the worst of these moments when almost all of me wants to give up, I try to imagine what I’d do instead, and I keep coming back to the foundation of our vision at Six Seconds.  Yes, maybe it’s irrational and maybe even hopeless, but somehow we – humans – have to find a way out off the self-destructive treadmill we’ve created.  We need to find value in ourselves and each other more than in money and things.  We need new visions and new skills to learn to love more deeply, to genuinely care for ourselves, each others, and our world — and no, my contribution won’t make this change, but what if I could make just a small inroad?  And if not me, then who?  And then I see messages like Kaye’s and I think maybe we are — not fixing it, but leaning the right direction.  Though the road is long and the path is steep, just a few steps might make a vast difference in a few people’s lives.

So I’ll take the reminders and put them in my dream box.  Then when the doubts start shouting, that other voice will have some backup.