Emotional Intelligence for Performance
Just listened to a fab radio show from The Really Big Questions about emotion. talks about some of the science and implications for us individually and collectively. The just forgot to say, “and if you want to learn how to effectively use these incredible resources, contact Six Seconds” 
Definitely listen to this one and let me know what you think – and feel about it!!!
http://trbq.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=16&Itemid=43
In the Six Seconds EQ Model, the “capstone” is a competency we call “Pursue Noble Goals.” Members of the Six Seconds’ team were discussing this last week, and reflecting that especially in “tough times” it’s easy to feel stuck and have a sense that the work you really want to do is occluded by the “stuff you have to do.”When we say “pursue” Noble Goals, that could sound like, “I have to give up the day to day and totally focus on the truly significant.” Nice, but unlikely.
Pursue Noble Goals really means putting purpose into everyday action. If your purpose is supporting equity, how can you build more equity between the people in the elevator today? If your purpose is sustaining a vibrant earth, how can you change what you buy for lunch to be more sustainable? If your purpose is nurturing compassion, how can you think and feel as you wash the dishes so you end that experience more compassionate?
In other words: Consider the alignment between WHAT you are doing each moment, each day — HOW your are doing that, and WHY? Is your intention coming through both in the action and in the way that action is undertaken?
In promoting Satyagraha, nonviolent compassionate activism, Gandhi explained that you can not make peace through anger. Anger and violence make more anger and violence. Real peace only can be made through peaceful means. Sometimes we think the “end justifies the means,” but in this vision, the means IS the end and the end is made of the means. So when we talk about Pursuing Noble Goals, that’s the standard: Live it. It’s not something to work toward in the future, it’s a future to bring into the present. Everywhere, all the time.
Great experience w my kids discovering a way to make a difference – and how that connection to purpose created emotional transformation. Wrote it up on family travel blog…
http://redsuitcase.wordpress.com/2009/10/30/j-orangutan-heart/
I admit it’s a terrible habit – again sitting in a restaurant listening to the next table… but the guy was so loud I could hardly not! Three people, “Joe” and 2 friends, Joe says he’s so glad to see them again and launches into a story. Eventually says, “but I don’t want us to just talk about my stories…” and the proceeds to dominate the conversation for half an hour of virtually nonstop monologue. Every once in a while the others manage to slip in a word but Joe grabs back the conversation. It seems like Joe KNOWS he dominates and has at least a vague intention of sharing the stage, but doesn’t.
So: Is Joe self-aware?
And, if he is, what’s missing?
Sometimes people talk about emotional intelligence as “paying attention to feelings,” which is nice but inadequate. Maybe even useless. We do need to ACCURATELY identify and understand feelings, but I contend that to be “intelligent” we also need to use that data effectively. When we use mathematical intelligence we accurately identify the info and use it to come up with answers that solve problems. How about when we use EQ?
(And, how about my admission of my terrible habit?)
♥
You know that expression, “I’m waiting for the other foot to fall”? (as in, expecting bad news soon).
So Wednesday evening I was walking around with Patty and another friend, and I was standing up on a low retaining wall (just about 2 feet high), and I decided to jump down to the ground.
There was this little voice saying “maybe you should just sit down and step off instead” but I ignored that… And oh how I wish I could take that second back and Apply more Consequential Thinking.
I landed on my left leg because I am still “protective” of my right leg (2 years ago I completely ruptured my right quadriceps tendon). And I felt a sharp POP in my left knee… Which gave out… And I was on the ground feeling a terrible deja vu.
While these seems like the most ridiculous bad luck, the surgeon I saw last night was not all that surprised. She said there’s been a huge increase in this injury nationwide — correlated with obesity and high cholesterol. And, that it’s not uncommon that when one quad ruptures, that the other follows because of the underlying causes — and because as I did, “protecting” the original injury leads to over-use of the other side.
The good news/bad news is I know the process… Six months in a brace with crutches, 18 months ‘till “normal.” The upside is I’m not scared, I know just how painful and difficult this is, and I know I can do it. The downside is I know just how painful and difficult this is…
I was joking on the phone with a colleague saying, “I guess this means I didn’t learn the lesson I was supposed to learn the first time.” I’ve been reflecting more about that and I’m now seeing that it’s not a joke at all. Coming off the first knee, I was starting to take my health more seriously, but in the last 9 months or so I’ve let that slip out of focus. For years I’ve thought and felt and talked about making major lifestyle changes to take better care of myself, but somehow I keep making other things a higher priority. So while this is a rather difficult way to re-start, I’m actually feeling hopeful and even excited. It’s not a time for little subtle changes – it’s time to re-invent this aspect of my life — of our lives as a family.
Well, I literally got home from the hospital an hour ago and so I’m a bit groggy, think I’ll go take a nap!
By the way — I won’t be working regular hours for the next few weeks, so if you need something from me, please remind me a few times ‘till I reply.
Making great progress since my surgery last week. Today I was up at our new house with the contractors, outside on the phone, and at my desk a lot. Yay! Yesterday had a funny moment with Max (who’s now 8):
After a busy morning, I ended up SOUND asleep on the couch. I managed to sleep through three kids playing lego star wars, wife packing some boxes, appliance repair guy calling out about the new switch he needed to go get from the shop… and finally it’s fairly quiet… ’till Max comes and very sweetly, very softly touches my shoulder: “Daddy, can please we have juice pops?”
I wanted to smack him for being selfish and thoughtless… but I figured I’d just appreciate the sweetness instead, and maybe it was time to be done napping anyway.
It reminds me that we all have very different priorities. Someone’s “thoughtlessness” could be that… or it could be that what I think is important just isn’t important to them. It’s easy to judge because what’s important to me is so important to me! This is probably the source of most conflict.
Intriguing article — Made to Stick: Hold the Interview | Fast Company — confirms again that most interviews are useless for hiring. Literally. No better than flipping a coin. Some good advice — of course they missed a key idea: administer an emotional intelligence test…
Seriously – what are people so bad at hiring?
My experience is that there are too many conflicting variables. I like some aspects of one candidate, I dislike that in someone else but it’s balanced by part of their history… I suspect that I try way too hard to “analyze” and I’d do much better with a simple criteria: How does it feel? I suspect that if I had 3 reasonably qualified candidates and I selected the one who “felt right” I’d be way better off than the hours of analyzing and discussing.
Occasionally we have a client serious about building an “emotionally intelligence” workforce, and of course we do extensive training, train-the-trainer programs for in-house follow-through, and ongoing coaching for senior leaders to bring this top-of-mind. But one of the most important exercises is training people who will be doing the hiring to be able to recognize key emotional intelligence competencies and hire for that. In that context, the interview in itself becomes a practical test – not just of surface behaviors like rapport and social skills, but of a deeper interplay of emotional connection.
When companies put this kind of process in place they get a better workforce. “Times like these” are actually ideal for this type of work — in a few months it’s going to be very challenging to find time to improve processes like hiring and onboarding as there’s a huge backlog of positions to fill and a torrent of placement work as the economic pressures lift and all those who WANTED to leave finally do. So smart leaders are getting ready now to ensure that the next “generation” of new-hires has what it takes to go higher.
Here’s an excerpt:
Q: What traits should I look for when hiring for a leadership position?
A: My philosophy about this has definitely evolved over the years. I understand people a lot better today than I did 30 years ago. Back then, I was more impressed with people who were very articulate. In many companies, the person who talks the best usually gets the job. I got snowed by a few of those people over the years. I still think communication is important, but I don’t think there’s always a correlation between being a great communicator and other virtues that make for a great leader.
That’s why the first thing you should look at is character. I look for somebody who has classic virtues such as integrity, honesty, courage, love, and wisdom. Someone who is hard-working, candid, and ambitious, while still showing humility. I also look for people who have a high degree of emotional intelligence — a high capacity for caring. I think for leadership positions, emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence. People with emotional intelligence usually have a lot of cognitive intelligence, but that’s not always true the other way around.
More on John Mackey of Whole Foods on Hiring Leaders, Management Trends Article – Inc. Article.
Tidbit from my physical therapist: When you’ve experienced a lot of pain, for example from a ruptured tendon, when you go to try to use that muscle again your brain says, “NO!” Not because it hurts now, but because your brain “knows” that activity will be painful.
I’ve certainly experienced this in physical therapy with my knees… but also elsewhere in my life. Before my dad died, for example, there were things I wanted to tell him, but I way afraid — not because it would hurt now, I suspect, but because by brain “knew” that activity would be painful.
So often we “protect” against the old and imagined hurts, and we don’t experience that we’ve grown past the memory of pain.
To get past it in physical injury, I have to risk, trust, hope, have an ally — and commit. I suspect the same is true with the emotional injuries.
I was consulting with a client recently about his work and the changes he’d like to implement in his healthcare services business. He’s facing two changes:
Big stuff!! Tough. Doable – but only if one is really serious about that shift. So I wanted to know if this change was a match with his own vision of himself, and asked:
What do you want your job to be?
I suspect that many, many people find themselves in leadership positions without having really CHOSEN that. This seems especially true in professional services – the doctor who finds herself leading an office; the investor who finds himself managing a team; the educator who finds himself leading an organization…
So before you get “further” in your career, it’s worth considering — what do you want your job to be? What do you want to do more and less of? If you “take that next step” in your work, will you still be doing the parts of the work that you love?
I travel a lot, and many countries have a space on their customs form for job. I’m never quite sure what to put there. It’s a little space, and I want to write something that’s not too confusing… EQ advocate? Leader? Teacher? Author? Consultant? Trainer? Executive?
Apparently I have some conflict and confusion about the changes in my own role!
While I WANTED our organization to grow, and pushed that, while I WANTED to do more leading and less doing, while I WANTED to build a team — I still sometimes regret how complex my job has become, and feel inadequate because I don’t really know how to do it.
Like so many of our clients, I’ve “evolved” into this role rather than being chosen for it, and a large part of what I love(d) about my own work is the “professional” hands on work, rather than the managing.
This reminds me about the work of Joy Palmer, one of our Network Members who primarily works with finance executives on this change. She’s written about the process in The Rise of the Player Manager.
For myself, I’m someone who thrives on challenge and learning-by-doing… so it’s a great place to be… and I recognize that I only do my best when I pay close attention — I’ve chosen to be a leader. Maybe that’s going on the next customs form!