“500,000 people will be listening, but you need to give them just 3 short messages, ok?”  I was interviewed in Mexico many years ago, and the host explained that since it’s a Spanish station, I needed to make just three brief statements in English – she would translate each and discuss in Spanish.

After wonderful discussions with my colleagues, I decided on three messages — a “story” I’ve continued to articulate for over a decade.  Before I tell you my answer, I’d like you to consider how you’d answer.  If you could deliver three powerful points to half a million people, what would you tell them?

To answer, it might be helpful to consider:  What is the problem you want to solve? Is there a change you’d like to make in your business, your family, your community, the world?

As I travel around the world, I see that many of our biggest challenges are tied to a disconnection between the choices we’re making, and the results we’re creating.  No one WANTS to create economic meltdowns or environmental depredation, but we do.  A few days ago I posted featuring Anabel Jensen (Six Seconds) and Tony Wagner (Harvard) talking about the need to transform education.  In that, Anabel says,

It’s not enough to be smart, we need a powerful blend of ethics + compassion + commitment.  We need to put our principles into action.”  

Why don’t people do so?  What would it take to live that way?  This consideration led me to my answer for the radio show:

1. Emotions are real and they affect us.  They affect how we respond,  they shape the decisions we make.

2. You have a choice.  Maybe not total freedom, but options in how to respond.

3. Your choices matter.  Every decision, every interaction, affects ourselves, and others, and ultimately the world.

I didn’t realize it at first, but when I decided on my three messages, they are actually tied to the three parts of the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence. Know Yourself is about tuning into the value of feelings.  Choose Yourself means owning the decisions.  Give Yourself means ensuring those choices add up to create a worthwhile legacy.

What makes these three ideas transformational is that they are a PROCESS.  As we go through these three steps, we bring our emotional intelligence forward to make better decisions, to take action that’s aligned with our real goals.  Or, in Anabel’s words, to put our principles into action.

 

I hope to see you at the NexusEQ Conference in June, to share and hear how practitioners around the world are using emotional intelligence to make positive change. It’s part of our vision to support 1 billion people to practice the skills of emotional intelligence — which will require all of us to become more clear about those “3 essential points” we want to share.  S0 in the meantime, what are your three core messages?  Please share in the comments!

The post Your Three Essential Messages appeared first on Six Seconds.

Tony Wagner, Harvard professor and author of Creating Innovators, recently asked, “We no longer have to go to school to acquire knowledge – so what’s school for?”  Thirty years ago, teachers challenged students to write a paper with five cited sources.  Today the difficulty is narrowing it down to five.  Information is everywhere – now students need to learn to create meaning, which requires a much different skill set.

What do future leaders need?  Is it enough to memorize a set of problems?  While there are many opinions, a trend is emerging around the value of skills for being self-aware, collaborating with others, and creating new possibilities.  While traditional intellect remains important, these skills require a new form of insight into self and others, a capability called “emotional intelligence.”

 

Inventing the Future of Invention

In June at Harvard University, Wagner will join 80 other experts from around the globe – scientists, teachers, business leaders, and change makers – at the NexusEQ Conference. The question:  How to spark positive change in every sector of society?

Anabel Jensen is no stranger to this challenge, and she’ll open the NexusEQ Conference with a powerful invitation.  A pioneer in the field of emotional intelligence education, Jensen is a professor of education who has trained over 10,000 teachers.  She started multiple schools, and, as a school principal, was one of a few to ever win two Federal Blue Ribbon awards for excellence in education.

Today, Jensen is President of Six Seconds, the world’s largest network of emotional intelligence experts and advocates.  She is also the CEO of Synapse School, with a unique mission: Educating future change makers.

“A change maker ignites a spark of possibility, and nurtures that potential into a powerful force,” says Jensen.  “To lead change requires both insight and passion – head plus heart,” she explains.  That’s why Jensen’s school is infused with emotional intelligence.  “Every teacher, every parent, and every child benefits from practicing the skills of emotional intelligence.  It’s a powerful skill set to unlock potential.”

 

The Ingredients for Change Makers

At the NexusEQ Conference in June, Jensen’s opening keynote is called, “Calling Change Makers.”  She will share the essential ingredients for leading in the 21^st Century, and invite participants to put these into action.  “It’s not enough to be smart,” Jensen says, “we need a powerful blend of ethics + compassion + commitment.  We need to put our principles into action.”

Other conference speakers will echo this theme, sharing successes of how emotional intelligence is creating positive change.  Examples range from Fintan Connolley restoring hope among poverty-stricken youth in Northern Ireland, to Andre Earl-Clive Bisasor teaching negotiation skills to teens in Boston.  The common theme is harnessing the power of emotion to create positive change.

 

Educating the Heart: Social Emotional Learning

There is a pervasive perception in Western education:  We need to focus on the basics.  Particularly with the emphasis on testing created by the No Child Left Behind Act, schools are grappling to produce results.  Fortunately, in recent years, “social emotional learning” is becoming increasingly recognized as an essential component for school success.

In a kick-off webinar for the conference, Tony Wagner pointed out the risk of the old way of thinking, “Increasingly, schools are about one subject:  Test preparation.”  Wagner went on to point out that given all the changes occurring in society, it’s probably time for education to change as well.

The surprising news is that there’s no conflict between “basic education” and “educating the heart.”  Numerous research studies show that developing emotional intelligence ALSO improves academic achievement – and life success.   Quoting a compelling essay in The New York Times: “promoting students’ social and emotional skills plays a critical role in improving their academic performance.”

In a beautiful video entitled “Educate the Heart,” The Dalai Lama Center for Peace and Education asks us to consider our children, “are the tools we give them enough to prepare them for this world?”  It continues, “If we truly want to prepare them for the world outside, we must also educate the heart.”

 

Emotional Intelligence: 21^st Century Skills

Anabel Jensen says, “We teach what we are, and we are what we teach.”  This means that the first step to teaching emotional intelligence is to practice the skills ourselves – as teachers, parents, community leaders, friends, concerned citizens.  “The skills of emotional intelligence,” she says, “are learnable and practical.  The challenge is to make a commitment and to keep practicing, especially when life is complex.”

Six Seconds, the nonprofit organization organizing the NexusEQ Conference, teaches that emotional intelligence can be activated with a simple three step process:

1. Increase awareness.  Notice your feelings and reactions.
2. Increase choice.  Pause and consider options.  Respond instead of reacting.
3. Increase purpose.  Pay attention to what’s truly important in the situation.

To put this process into action, Six Seconds has identified eight specific, learnable, measurable competencies.  Emotional intelligence skills include self-awareness, consequential thinking, optimism, and empathy.

In Six Seconds’ work, these are assessed with a tool called the SEI, Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Assessment, which is available for children and adults.  The organization also publishes curriculum for students, workshops for parents, and training programs for teachers and business people. 

At the NexusEQ Conference, over 50 case studies will share how these and other emotional intelligence tools are actually working to improve learning, innovation, and leadership.

Perhaps the best news is that universal relevance.  These essential skills support academic success for children.  The same skills help young people make healthier decisions.  Later, this toolset equips adults to lead.  As Wagner says, “For the first time in history, skills to do well in work & skills to be a good citizen have converged.”

The post Reinventing Education for Change Leaders: Head + Heart + Hands appeared first on Six Seconds.

Recent meeting… opposing views… EQ trainwreck.  As I watched, I just kept thinking:  It would be so easy to get agreement if these people used just a scrap of emotional intelligence.  So, in 3 simple steps, here’s how you get agreement… eat your veggies RAW:

1.  Relax.  

No, seriously.  When you walk into a meeting “wound up,” people immediately feel that.  Doesn’t matter if you’re coming loaded for bear, or just stressed by something unrelated… walk in tense and you create resistance.

2.  Align.*

Start with common purpose.  What are you, individually or together, trying to achieve?

Let’s say you are giving feedback about someone’s work, and it’s not great.  You can start by saying, “here are the 22 things wrong with your crappy work…” or, you can start by saying, “I want to be sure we’re on the same page about the goals.  Here’s what I think we’re trying to accomplish…”

3. Wait.

Think of the cliché used car salesman who talks a mile a minute trying to convince you… do the opposite.  The “first rule of emotional intelligence”: When people feel pushed, they resist.

Don’t push:  Pull.  Offer.  Invite.  Listen.  Make space.  

Go back to step 1… stay RAW ’till you have agreement.

* More about step 2, and the picture.

Did you see the incredible insights from Daniel Shapiro (from Harvard’s International Negotiation Program)?  He talked about moving out of an OPPOSITIONAL STANCE — and coming to stand on the same side so you & your former adversary are now standing shoulder-to-shoulder facing a mutual challenge.  It’s not a technical, cognitive skill — it’s an application of emotional intelligence.  Know Yourself, tune in.  Choose Yourself, deescalate.  Give Yourself, step together.

The picture above is one of the great Aikido masters (bonus points if you can identify the photo, I don’t know).  See how he’s moved to stand on the SAME side as his “opponent”?  See his open body language?  He’s inviting the young guy to fall down, and guess what?  The young guy is going to!

If you don’t want to get caught up in dissent, move so you’re standing next to the other guy.  One of the power-tools here is adding just a little empathy.  Tuning in.  Connecting.  Finding you’re both actually in the same life raft.

The post How To Get Agreement appeared first on Six Seconds.

 

Imagine you’re handling the biggest negotiation of your life – say, peace in the Middle East.  You need to leave emotions out of it, right?

“You can’t,” says Daniel Shapiro.  As Founder and Director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program, Shapiro’s seen it first hand: “One can try to leave emotions out, but they are relentlessly there, for better or worse.  You cannot avoid emotions any more than you can avoid thoughts.  Given that reality, why not use them to be helpful?”

It’s no surprise that emotions can fuel a conflict.  What few people realize is that these same dynamics are also a key part of the solution.  In June, Shapiro will explain how it works in a keynote at the NexusEQ Conference (Harvard Medical School Conference Center, June 24-26, 2013). 

 

Emotions Drive War and Peace

What is required to solve the world’s most pressing problems?  “It’s easy to image a dynamic at play between Israelis and Palestinians. These parties have a host of differences, and the dominant stance for dealing with those differences tends to be adversarial.  They each focus on protecting their side’s interests, which implies winning OVER the other.” But Shapiro explains that it’s nearly impossible to find meaningful resolution from this position.

Moving out of that adversarial stance is central to Dr. Shapiro’s work.  In his book, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate (with Roger Fisher), he makes the case that logic is not enough to achieve resolution.  Feelings drive people toward conflict – and toward resolution.

“At the end of the day,” Shapiro says, “the focus of my work is on conflict management: how people can deal with their differences more effectively.  Whether it’s an issue between heads of state or husbands and wives, almost universally they approach conflict as adversaries: ‘me versus you.’ This triggers a colorful set of stubborn emotions, which makes digging oneself out of that conflict very difficult.” 

At this stage, feelings such as anger, fear, and hurt push people to narrow their focus to zero in on what’s not working instead of building long-term, cooperative relationships.

A small change unlocks the situation.  Instead of “facing off,” Shapiro says we need to get on the same side of the issue: “Shift the relational stance so it’s no longer ‘me versus you’ but the two of us working side by side facing a shared problem.  This creates a substantial emotional shift.”  Now the “colorful set of stubborn emotions” changes to expansive feelings such as curiosity, commitment, and even compassion.

The big challenge is that theoretical knowledge is insufficient. “Conflict resolution requires not just our cognitive understanding of how to deal with differences; it’s also about building our internal resources to be able to implement those processes.  The skills of emotional intelligence help people take action to move from dissent to collaboration.”

 

Solving the Real Problem

In a negotiation or conflict, there is the problem itself (the substance) and there is a surrounding set of emotional and relational issues (the context).  Shapiro points out that “typically a negotiation focuses on the substantive issue: the location of an international border, or where to go on vacation.  That’s important, but it’s not enough:  To maximize value, we need to look beneath that substance to see what’s really driving the conflict – to deal with the emotional dimension effectively.”

There are many powerful skills that Shapiro and colleagues teach at Harvard Law School and in negotiation programs around the world to handle these substantive issues.  But to see “underneath” the presenting problem and work with the context, another set of skills is required: The skills of Emotional Intelligence. 

Intelligence is the ability to collect data and use it to solve problems.  Mathematical intelligence allows us to accurately count, and to use that data to calculate numerical solutions.  Emotional intelligence allows us to accurately perceive people, and to use that data to calculate relational solutions.

Using this intelligence of emotions “cuts through” the surface of a problem and brings us to the core. “Politics and ideology, even differing dress, can distance us from others and others from us.  We lose sense of the profound possibilities of connection which exist between us —even in the face of an intractable conflict,” says Shapiro.  “Emotional intelligence, on some level, is a recognition of our shared humanity, and a set of skills that lets us connect. It’s hard to do, but with training one can do this more effectively.  More skills create more choice, which creates more potential value.”

 

It’s Easy When It’s Easy

“When I’m in a good mood,” Shapiro says, “it’s very easy to express gratitude.  When I’m in conflict, it’s much harder. In these tough times, positive emotions are even MORE needed, but very difficult to access.” 

“There are a lot of deadly conflicts in our world, and one can quickly lose hope in the possibility of resolution.  This is equally true in personal relationships – conflict can feel overbearing and hopeless.”  The good news, Shapiro believes, is that “most conflicts CAN be worked out in a generally positive way.” 

He points to South Africa and Northern Ireland as examples.  Just several years ago, few people believed that stable, positive resolution could occur.  Shapiro notes that “those two regions are a testament to the possibility of emotional transformation in a seemingly intractable context.  Things aren’t perfect today in either society — but they’ve come far – which should inspire all of us to recognize that the ‘stuckness’ we feel in a tough conflict may not be as intractable as our present emotions suggest.”

Again, Shapiro emphasizes that these examples are not just about negotiation, but reconciliation: “In Northern Ireland and South Africa, they have grappled not just with the substantive differences, but with the emotional complexities driving the conflict – working to create a different emotional context from which a new community could evolve.”  At the core, this is an emotional, relational challenge, and the skills of emotional intelligence are paramount: “It comes down to providing support for both dealing with the emotional wounds of the past and building a shared platform for positive future relations.”

 

World Peace?

While outside negotiators can help in some conflict, Shapiro sees particular power in equipping people with the skills themselves.  That’s why the Harvard International Negotiation Program is working with the World Economic Forum to create the world’s first Global Curriculum on Conflict Management for senior global leadership.  “Because emotions are incredibly important to effectively deal with conflict, the toolkit includes a core set of five ‘rational’ tools as well as five ‘emotional’ tools.”

At present, they’re teaching top level global and corporate leaders, but Shapiro says the goal is much larger. “What if we could translate and apply this material to youth around the world—so they would have a shared language for dealing with conflict and its emotional side?” 

The goal of this work, Shapiro notes, “is not a cessation of difference:  It’s the ability to deal well with differences.  Whether you are a senior executive or an entry level employee, a parent or child, we all face conflict – the basic human experience is universal.”

 

Shapiro offers three key insights for all of us to deal well with differences:

1. Prepare.  “The worst time for my wife and I to work on a process for dealing with our conflicts is when we are in the midst of one.  The time to learn about emotional intelligence and to sharpen skills in managing conflict is BEFORE it occurs.” 
    
2. Process matters.  “Remember to pay attention not just to ‘what we are fighting about,’ but HOW we are doing so.  We are much better off if, prior to a difficult conversation, we jointly clarify how we are going to have the conversation.  Are we going to debate?  Argue?  Listen for 5 minutes to each other’s experience?”        
    
3. Put emotional intelligence to practice in conflict situations.  “Emotional intelligence has been with human beings as long as there have been human beings. You might not have known about the theory of emotional intelligence – but you’ve always had this form of intelligence.  Sure, some of us may be more naturally gifted than others, but anyone can benefit from refining these skills.  And if you want to master the trade of conflict resolution, refining your emotional intelligence is critical.”

 

Perhaps the best news is that all these skills can be learned, and that’s a central theme of the NexusEQ Conference in June.  Over eighty scientists and practitioners will meet in the Martin Conference Center at Harvard Medical School to share effective applications of emotional intelligence.  According to Shapiro, this has bottom line value: “Rational negotiation skills are important, but more often than not, the stumbling blocks I see revolve around how people deal with other people.  Emotional intelligence is essential.”

Daniel L. Shapiro, Ph.D., is Founder and Director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program. He also is Assistant Professor in Psychology at Harvard Medical School/McLean Hospital and affiliated faculty at Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation, where he serves as Associate Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project.

The post Solving the Biggest Problems: Daniel Shapiro on Emotional Intelligence and Negotiation appeared first on Six Seconds.

What can we each DO to put emotional intelligence into action?  Specifically, concretely, what are steps to take?

At Six Seconds, our vision is one billion people practicing the skills of emotional intelligence by 2039.  So I asked our world-wide network of certified practitioners, “What would you recommend for people to practice EQ?”  Here is the first list – more to come.

I’ve edited these and organized them based on the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence, where step 1 is increasing self-awareness, a concept we call “Know Yourself.”  In this framework, there are two skills that enable this step:

Enhance Emotional Literacy — increase awareness & understanding of feelings.

Recognize Patterns — identify recurring reactions of thought, feeling, and action.

(click the links on those 2 competencies for more explanation, tips, and tools)

 

16 Tips for Emotional Intelligence: Awareness

 

Acknowledge emotions, not as good or bad, right or wrong but as a source of information that help you gain self-awareness.

Tang Weng Liang

 

1. Get great at unpacking your emotions and thinking. This is about stopping and asking “wait a minute, what’s going on for me here?  What am I feeling? What am I thinking? And what does all this mean for me?”

2. Notice your own strengths – and live into your strengths more fully.

Carolyn Meacher

 

Train yourself to sense your emotions via sensations in your body.

Shabbir Latif

 

Be an observer of yourself.  Pay attention to what you feel and how those feelings contribute, distract, enhance, or challenge you.  Awareness is the first step. 

Dawn Karner

 

Build your emotional vocabulary.

Robin Parker Meredith

 

Start with self-awareness. Acknowledge your emotions, and where you feel them in your body and name them.  Give yourself one minute, several times during the day when you feel uneasy.

Then, a second step is to ask yourself: “What I can do about it?” Allow just one minute to come up with a solution!

Irina Sergeeva

 

EQ is an “inside job” that begins with the foundation of enhanced self-awareness into your unique patterns of behavior that then fuels your choices with the goal of supporting your values and purpose in living. Turn inward, be curious about who you really are, and then show up to support the change you wish to be in the world. This self-study can encourage and support your tools of choice and then allow you to reach your potential in giving your best self!

Marilynn Jorgensen

 

I have myself used ‘Urgent Mindfulness’ as a tool for self awareness, where you, ‘Pay attention to the thoughts-feelings in the present moment, with purpose, non-judgmentally, as if your life depended on it.’

Sandeep Kelkar

 

Notice when you set yourself up for low EQ moments that become low EQ habits – two common traps:

1) Passing critical judgment on others (e.g. “How stupid is that?” or  “What in the world was he/she thinking?”)  This kind of comment is a crutch to elevate or affirm one’s superiority over another person’s choices, intelligence…. The EQ moment begins when we learn to recognize the habit and then re-train ourselves to restrain from making any negative comment at all.  All part of Recognizing Patterns. 

2) Taking offense.  This is another Recognizing Patterns area is a struggle for many of us.  In today’s world we have been taught to take offense at event the most trivial matters.  From taking offense, and feeling offended, people quickly escalate to criticism, judgment, bitterness, and unforgiveness, hurting which hurts relationships and even our own health.  The EQ moment:  Notice the other person’s comment or action, and instead of taking offence and taking it personally, just consider it as data:  “Hmmmm, that’s interesting.”  Or, “I wonder what’s going on for her?”  Or, “Wow, he must be really stressed…”

Marek Helstrom

 

Start by noticing what you’re feeling, right now. Observe without judgment (evaluating feelings as “good” “bad” “right” “wrong) or trying to ‘fix’ anything; just notice your emotions a few times per day.

Cheryl McKenzie-Cook

 

In the office, keep a feelings whiteboard divided for 2-3 parts of the day – morning, noon, evening – and list six or eight feelings.  Then ask people to check mark their feelings during the day.  See where the max check marks land.

Dexter Valles

 

Be comfortable first with your emotions – especially because emotions have functions: Emotions are not just about feeling something… What’s the message of the emotion?

Belinda Charles

 

One thing I do is that when I find myself reacting to a situation (my voice begins to rise, I find myself getting impatient, etc.), I take a moment and name the emotion(s) I’m feeling (to myself, of course *smile*), and then I try to determine which of my core values is being challenged and thus resulting in my emotional response.  This allows me to dive straight to the heart of why a situation is affecting me and begins to move me out of reaction and into a more considered response.

Nicole Tervalon

 

Sit silently for 15 minutes every day and do self-introspection.  The reflection is a first step towards practicing EQ.

Avtar Saksena

The post Tips to Practice Emotional Intelligence 1: Awareness appeared first on Six Seconds.

We all have emotional intelligence – the challenge is using it!  In the midst of hurt and frustration, it seems so much easier to just stomp our feet… or hurt someone back…. or run away…. What action will actually solve the problem?  

To answer, all we need is a little emotional intelligence.  It’s actually an incredibly simple idea: If we get thinking and feeling working together, we make better choices.  

How to use emotional intelligence?

At Six Seconds, we’ve developed a 3-step process to put emotional intelligence into action.  Recently, I wrote about stepping through fear, and described the steps as FOG.  Want to make an emotionally intelligent choice?  

FOG:

F:  Feelings.  What’s going on inside?

O: Options.  How could I respond?

G: Goals.  Why might I move forward?

 

The same steps apply when solving a problem between people… FOG for social problem solving or conflict resolution:

F:  Feelings.  What does each person feel?  What is each person doing?

O: Options.  How could we respond to each other? What choices can we make?

G: Goals.  Why might we move forward?  What’s our real goal?

 

By the way, these three steps are just another way of talking about the Six Seconds Model of Emotional Intelligence.  F is about “Know Yourself.”  O is for “Choose Yourself.”  G is a shorthand for “Give Yourself.”

Free Emotional Intelligence Poster

Noa Mendelevitch, one of Six Seconds’ amazing educators, and a specialist on unlocking creativity, created a FOG poster for classrooms and everywhere.  This should be a wonderful resource for sharing emotional intelligence with children (of all ages!

Please fill out the form below and we’ll automatically email you a high-resolution PDF that you can print! (it should arrive in a few seconds, if not, check your spam folder).

[contact-form-7]

 

 

The post FOG – How To Use Emotional Intelligence: Free Poster appeared first on Six Seconds.

Despite increasing awareness of environmentalism, the problems worsen.  The solution may lie in better understanding of human emotion – the subject of a conference at Harvard University in June.  The NexusEQ Conference brings together world leading scientists and practitioners to use emotion to spark positive change.

Today, this year’s Earth Day theme is, “The Face of Climate Change.” Perhaps, then, it’s a day to look in the mirror:  Despite a generation of growing environmental awareness, we’re not making sufficient change.

 

Solutions Require Emotional Intelligence

Scientists and practitioners meeting at Harvard in June will share examples of utilizing emotions to create positive change. The conference is part of a worldwide movement to promote “emotional intelligence,” a set of skills for using emotions effectively.  Speakers include neuroscientists, leaders, educators, and even a 13-year-old environmentalist.

Emma Freedman, a middle-school student from California, speaks around the world about the plight of the rainforest.  She explains, “I’ve seen first hand that we can’t wait for adults to fix the environment. The planet needs us, so it’s time for kids to become Jungle Heroes.”

At the conference, Freedman will share her work engaging young people, and using some of the concepts of emotional intelligence. “We need to feel the connection to the environment,” Miss Freedman says, “and kids need to know that you are never too young to make a difference.” See www.jungleheroes.org for more.

 

“Natural” Emotions Block Change

To create environmental change, we need human change.  That starts by understanding emotion.

1. Emotions drive change, but the brain doesn’t treat long-term, pervasive problems as threats.
2. Rhetoric about imminent destruction can trigger fear and stress, but people resist when they feel pushed because fear and powerlessness motivate short-term self-protection.  
3. Feelings of compassion and appreciation reduce stress and are effective motivators of protective behavior.

Fortunately, we’ve learned that it’s possible to become more skilled with emotion.  By developing the learnable skills of emotional intelligence, people become better at making complex choices – and engaging others to do the same.

To learn more about the NexusEQ Conference, visit www.NexusEQ.com — the conference is sponsored by a global nonprofit called Six Seconds, The Emotional Intelligence Network.  Six Seconds is the world leading authority on how to apply the science of emotional intelligence to create positive change.  Information is on www.6seconds.org.

:: In the Boston Globe

The post The Face, and Heart, of Climate Change: Emotional Intelligence Unlocks Human Ability to Care appeared first on Six Seconds.

The Good:  We know how to solve this problem.

The Bad: Stress kills, costs billions of dollars, reduces quality of life, drives economic meltdown and is even destroying the environment.

The Ugly:  It’s getting worse.

 

“Stress” is a generalization.  It’s shorthand for a sense of imbalance and impending chaos.  Cycle times are accelerating.  Financial systems are melting.  Waters are rising.  So we feel stress.  It’s an emotional signal of danger, and it’s one reason emotional intelligence is more important than ever.

If you’ve been to the doctor on a stress-related matter (and WebMD says three out of four US medical visits are stress related), then you’ve probably been treated by Dr. Herbert Benson. Not directly, of course – you might not have even heard his name, but his work has changed the way Western medicine handles stress.

In 1975, Dr. Benson wrote a remarkable book called The Relaxation Response, articulating the biomedical antidote to stress. He later founded the Mind/Body Medical Institute, and became a professor at Harvard Medical School.  He was one of the, if not the, pioneer researching and advocating treatment that works with the human mind and body.  

To Stress or Not To Stress

Benson’s work is based one a simple, powerful idea: Just as we have a stress response, we have a relaxation response. In his words, we can learn to trigger this response and facilitate the human mind to bring for the emotions that open us to the positive influences in life.

This is an example of being smarter with feelings, a growing field of science called “Emotional Intelligence.”  Benson is one of the many remarkable experts speaking at the NexusEQ Conference in June 2013 at Harvard University.  The conference focuses on the intersection of the science and practice of emotional intelligence.  Just as Benson has pioneered an intelligent use of emotion for physical wellbeing, can we learn to use emotion effectively in business, education, and life?

  

Global Implications

When we “feel stressed” our brains and bodies trigger a series of adaptations to deal with threat.  We are preparing to react to danger by fighting, running, or hiding.  This biological system is highly effective for coping with certain threats, such as a tiger stalking you in the jungle.  You don’t negotiate with tigers.  You don’t innovate.  If you want to survive, you run like heck, or hope you’ve got a big sharp stick handy.

Adapted for these “survival threats,” our bodies respond to stress by shutting down many systems related to long-term thriving (such as immunity, reproduction, empathic response, even analytical thinking) and put all the body’s resources into core muscles.  It means that when we feel stress, we are biologically programmed to be less creative, less compassionate, less visionary. 

Innovation versus Comfort

I’ve written before about two competing systems in the brain: certainty versus learning.  When we’re stressed, the brain pushes for safety.  We do what we’ve done before.  We get a shot of a chemical that is “natural heroin” when we follow the known, the predictable – and yes, it is addictive.

Without carefully developing emotional intelligence, we fall into this million-year-old automatic reaction.  Since few of us ever learn these skills in school or even at work, the results are predicable – one only has to look at daily news headlines to see that many people are derailed by this dynamic.

While it may feel as if the tigers are lurking, today few of us face this kind of threat.  Instead we face ongoing, persistent threats tied to complex relational issues such as doing more work with less, talent shortages, and economic uncertainly. At work, the “tigers” are often other people; according to the 2012 Workplace Issues study, over 70% of challenges in the workplace are people-related. 

Descending Spiral Kills Collaboration

So we have a vicious spiral.  We’ve got long-term problems that require innovation and bringing people together.  In the face of uncertainty, we feel vulnerable, stress kicks in, and we become less creative and collaborative, and we focus on the short-term, urgent.  This reaction could make us more isolated and overwhelmed, which pushes us toward more stress.

This spiral makes it nearly impossible to solve the world’s biggest problems, such as global warming.  These challenges require our most creative thinking and remarkable abilities to build coalition.  Yet as soon as we start thinking about the realities of environmental devastation, stress kicks in, and we become less able to access either of those capabilities.

Meanwhile, according the IBM annual study of CEOs, the primary need identified by top leaders:  Collaboration.  A whopping 75% of the respondents call it “Critical.”  Consider:  If the number one need for the future of business success is that people connect, wouldn’t is be essential to develop the skills to do so?  Yet empathy – the skill that would actually let people meet that need, is going down.  Dramatically.  Research published in Scientific American found a 75% drop in empathy over 30 years.

At the very same time, stress is increasing – a 2012 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology says it’s gone up around 20% over 25 years.

So we’ve got an increasingly complex environment where the ability to connect is the number one need – and we’re losing it.  In fact, as I’ll explain in a minute, we may be losing empathy BECAUSE of the increasing stress.  But for now:

The writing is on the wall: unless we develop better capabilities for managing these emotional complexities, the future is bleak.

 

Your Brain At War

One unfortunate effect of the increasing pace is further escalation of stress and deactivation of the very parts of the brain we most need to solve today’s challenges.  Several brain-imaging studies have explored the interaction between our analytical and social brain functions; for example this study from the National Academy of Sciences proposes “anti-correlated functional networks.”  That means when one set of brain functions (a network) is activated, others are suppressed.  We call this “focus,” and it’s essential for coping with complexity.

One of those functional brain networks processes analytical data:  Emails.  Spreadsheets.  Reports.  Another processes emotional data: Faces. Tone of voice. Friend or foe.  Optimally, the social brain network and the analytical brain network are interlocked and work together.  At the same time, we’re able to suppress one system in favor of the other.

For example:  We’re focused on getting through a hundred and sixty three emails, and someone comes to ask a question.  We bark, “Just a MINUTE.”  The task-focus required by analytical brain network suppresses the social brain functions that would allow us to connect appropriately with the other person. 

Ignore Emotions to Make Bad Decisions

The same function occurs inside each of us.  As we become more “focused,” we suppress signals such as discomfort.  We ignore our own feelings so we can do the job.  At the extreme, think of a warrior in a hostile environment.  When bullets are flying, you’re supposed to be scared – but you have to suppress those feelings in order to function.  If you become “too good” at disconnecting emotions, you turn off the regulatory function that would otherwise help you make more careful, humane, life-sustaining decisions.

Substitute “warrior” with “executive.”  Now teach that person to suppress feelings that are supposed to arise when we’re making unethical decisions.  It’s easy to see how someone can decide it’s a “good idea” to ignore a report that their deepwater well is likely to cause unprecedented environmental destruction… or their hedge fund is actually undermining global solvency. 

Emotions serve as part of our regulatory system – when functioning appropriately they assist us to carefully evaluate impacts on ourselves and others.  When they’re shut off, we make more dangerous choices. Emotions actually assist decision-making.

Couple that insight with the fact that the demands for analytical focus keep increasing.  IBM is excited to sell us services to handle the growing surge: “2.5 quintillion bytes of data — so much that 90% of the data in the world today has been created in the last two years alone.”

We’ve built incredibly sophisticated IT systems to handle complexity.  We invest in those readily.  What about the “HT” – human technology – to actually use these systems in a way that creates a prosperous future?

So we have increasing complexity driving us to focus narrowly.  We have increasing stress pushing us toward short-term reactivity.  Yet the problems we face require something different.

 

The Antidote: Emotional Savvy

One the one hand, we’re wired to react in a manner that probably won’t help.  Yet as Benson and others have shown, we’re capable of learning alternate responses.  This, perhaps, is the reason emotional intelligence is so important today: increasing complexity puts social and emotional skills at a premium.

That’s probably why leaders with more emotional intelligence skills create stronger business value.  Salespeople trained in these skills outsell others (in one study, 40% better). Many studies show that children trained in these emotional skills earn higher are more healthy, socially connected, and, at the same time, reach higher academic achievement.

Peter Salovey (the incoming President of Yale University – who will also be part of the NexusEQ Conference at Harvard in June) and his colleague John Mayer were the first to define emotional intelligence with scientific rigor.  Since that first paper in 1990, a plethora of research has emerged on the neurology of emotion and the links to learning, leadership, and life.

Perhaps even more importantly, around the world these scientific discoveries are being used to make life better at work, at school, and in communities.  People are learning the skills of emotional intelligence with demonstrable results, even in “hardcore” business environments. 

The Proof in Emotional Intelligence

While the term “emotional intelligence” was once the purview of esoteric researchers, it’s become so widely recognized that a worldwide conference on the subject will convene at Harvard University in June. 

Perhaps even more compelling is the nature of the program: session after session, from all around the world, from every sector, we are seeing examples that emotional intelligence actually creates positive change.  For children and families.  For the environment.  For health.  For business.

Returning to stress and health, one example is Dr. Sandeep Kelkar, a pediatrician in Mumbai, India.  Over a decade ago, Kelkar noticed that different children responded to the same treatment in different ways, and began to observe the family interactions.

As a result, Kelkar began to work with the staff in his clinic on how they could go beyond “treating disease” and focus on a larger goal: the wellbeing of children in their care.

This led Kelkar to travel to California to learn about Six Seconds and the Self-Science process for social emotional learning.  He began to experiment, then, with several colleagues created a foundation in Mumbai: EQuip kids – with a simple vision:  What if every adult had the emotional intelligence skills to fully support children?

Kelkar will be one of the speakers at NexusEQ, together with his colleague Sudha Srikanth, a preschool director.  They’ll share the success story, and the practical ways they’ve used emotional intelligence as a “Psychological Vaccine” to create lasting wellbeing.  This works.

Yes, we have a perilous situation in the world.  Yes, stress is increasing, conspiring against our better nature, making it even harder to resolve the crises we face.  Yet an antidote is at hand.

Dr. Kelkar’s conclusion: “Emotional intelligence is the missing ingredient in healthcare, as well as the education system.”

::

This is the first in a series of articles highlighting various topics and speakers in the conference.

NexusEQ, The Emotional Intelligence Conference

Harvard University

June 24-26, 2013

www.NexusEQ.com

 

The post Stress is Killing Me! Time for Emotional Intelligence? appeared first on Six Seconds.

It was about 15 years ago.  Thirty-some intrepid learners journeyed from six countries to the first Six Seconds EQ Certification. People read Dan Goleman’s 1995 book, and saw his description of our Self-Science process as a model for teaching EQ, so they adventured to find out.  This was when the internet was new, and it was such a marvelous surprise to hear from people on the other side of the planet! In that first EQ Certification, and hundreds since, we heard something powerful: I thought I was alone doing this work.  It’s incredibly powerful to realize that there are people all over working toward an emotionally intelligent world.”

From “Why NexusEQ?”

Today, I see this when we start our webinars and allies check in from around the globe.  I see it when we’re meeting with network members… like walking the streets of Brisbane with Tanabe-san from Japan – or eating sushi in Dublin with Francesca (who’s Italian living in Luxembourg – and is talking about this phenomenon on the video to the above right).

One of the, perhaps the, deepest human motivator is belonging.  When we feel connected, we can take risks.  Learn.  Change.  We can bring our best forward even when it’s difficult.  We can exercise emotional intelligence.

A year later, we decided to hold the first truly international emotional intelligence conference.  Inspired by that feeling of connectedness, we decided to call the conference “NexusEQ.”  It’s about connection.  The connection of EQ allies around the globe.  The connection of science and practice.  The connection of head + heart + hands.

Perhaps that’s the real power of emotional intelligence — these are the skills that allow us to connect.  To understand ourselves and each other.  To see, to feel, beneath the surface.  To lean in.

This year, the NexusEQ Conference is at Harvard University in June.  It’s been an incredible adventure, and much has changed since that first certification and the first NexusEQ.  But the need for connectedness is unchanged.  Despite all the amazing technology that brings us together as never before… we still, and perhaps even more so, need to develop our capability to connect with each other, and within ourselves.

The post Changing Together appeared first on Six Seconds.

How can kids and grown-ups work together to change the world?” – ”Kid President” Robby Novak

The most important thing we can all do is treat each other with kindness and respect. Kids, they can learn right away, in school and the playground to be nice to each other. If you see a kid being picked on you make sure you stand up for him. And you treat everybody fairly, no matter what they look like or where they’re from and if you start learning to do that as kids, and everybody is respectful and nice to each other, then when they grow up they’ll be doing the same thing and we’ll have a lot fewer problems.” – President Obama

 

Let’s leave partisan vitriol aside of one minute and consider:  What if we actually followed this advice?

Here’s a little more about the Kid President story.

It reminds me of this amazing video from The Dalai Lama Center for Peace — because unfortunately, even when the President of the United States says it’s the most important thing,  it’s not enough to simply say, “let’s treat each other with kindness and respect.”  If we mean it, we have to learn it.  Practice it. Teach it.  First to ourselves.  Then to others.

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